Reactions to older (over 40) people's comments about the opposite sex.


Instructions:


Keep this web browser window open (but don't login or click the "Edit"
button yet). Also open a second web browser window. On the second browser window
go to the older men's comments page:

http://drmillslmu.wikispaces.com/older-men

Open another browser window for the older women's comments page:

http://drmillslmu.wikispaces.com/older-women

Also open a window with your word processing software
on your computer (e.g., Word for Windows).

Read through the comments written by each sex. Select one comment from EACH
sex that you find most interesting, and comment on it below.

Copy and paste the specific passage that you have selected, and put the passage in
quotes. Then, immediately following it, write your reaction, in italics. Then indicate
your sex, the last 4 digits of your student ID, and the date.

When you have finished, login (above), click "Edit" and then copy and paste your two comments,
under the section for women or men, respectively, below.
Remember to click on "Save" when you are done.

On the due date, please bring a printout of your 2 selected comments and your reactions, to get credit.
Don't put your name on your paper -- just put the last 4 digits of your LMU student ID.

Worth 5 points.

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Fall, 2008


REACTIONS TO COMMENTS BY OLDER WOMEN:

"Men will say just about anything to try to sleep with a woman and women,
although we want so badly to believe men, should wait and see that action speaks
louder than words
. Additionally, never forget that men are where they want to be.
As much as it may hurt our egos to realize that . . if he really wanted to
be with you, he would. Another note, it takes five minutes to make a phone
call. If a man cannot do that for you, forget him and my last note is
that "BUSY" is an acronym for "being under someone younger" don't fall for it ladies."

This lady's comment was histerical to me. For the most part,I agree with what she is saying. There are a lot of guys out there that would say pretty much anything to get what they want which is unfortunate, but true. Her advice is very wise when she mentions that women should really wait to sleep with a man because it will give her an idea of where that guys aims are. (male, 2899, 12/3/08)


“I guess if I had to pick one thing, it would be what I call "guy talk". Guys speak in their own language. Deciphering what a guy really means isn't always easy. Guys, in my opinion, also aren't ready for a commitment.”
This is really interesting because males feel the same way about women. I think that the different “languages” may be in fact the same thing…topic choice. It all depends on the subject. Men probably think that when woman talk about clothes or makeup, it is a different language, whereas some females have no idea what the sports references are that guys use in their conversations. The same goes for talking about commitment. Women want it, and some men don’t. Female, 0142, 12/3/08


"Men will say just about anything to try to sleep with a woman and women,
although we want so badly to believe men, should wait and see that action speaks
louder than words. Additionally, never forget that men are where they want to be.
As much as it may hurt our egos to realize that . . if he really wanted to
be with you, he would. Another note, it takes five minutes to make a phone
call. If a man cannot do that for you, forget him and my last note is
that "BUSY" is an acronym for "being under someone younger" don't fall for it ladies."

I love this lady. I was laughing in the middle of the library when I read this. I totally agree, and again I guess am really lucky that I learned this at a young age. It just seems like common knowledge. This comment is also exteremly sad because this woman was obviously very hurt by a man. -Female, 5574, 1/3/08




“Being too serious and worried about the future in relationships. I would not get very involved with anyone till after age 28 or so.”
This really struck home for me because I think a lot of my friends, including myself, get so wrapped up in the future and at the young age of 21, we are worried about not finding a husband. Lately, I have been trying to just stay single and enjoy my twenties. We have the rest of our lives to be with a partner, but why start so early? I do not want to look back and think to myself that I was so foolish for spending my twenties on worrying about men, rather I want to remember these years as enjoyable years where I put myself first and learned about who I was. – Female, 5362, 12/3/08

“Men clearly have no idea as to what they want.”
I would agree that men do not always know what they want. I do feel that men just want to have fun as often as possible but there are some men that are not afraid of commitment and getting serious. But this is not just a male issue. I feel that women are even more indecisive about issues and do not know what they want either. It’s an equal issue for both sexes. Male, 9735, 11/30/08

I am currently dating a guy who is 20 years old. We have always really liked each other, but were afraid to take our relationship past friendship. Well when we stared dating, it seemed that I was way more into him than he was into me. I knew he liked me, but sometimes was hard to really tell. After an argument, he informed me that he was afraid of commitment that he really liked me, but he didn’t know if he wanted a relationship. However, he seemed to always act like he did. This just pissed me off because he wanted to reap all of the benefits that came with a relationship, but didn’t want the commitment. Men say they want a “good girl” and someone smart, caring, and funny, but when it was staring him in the face, he started to back off (female, 12/02/08, 1902).


“That you can never change an individual. If the person that you are interested
in is stubborn or likes to talk, act, or dress a certain way you have to learn to
work with his flaws and all. The worst thing to do is to get in a relationship with
someone with the idea of trying to change or revamp this persons character because it
will never work. It will only lead to unhappiness and a waste of time.”

This is still true even now. A lot of girls get into relationships thinking that they can change the guy they are with in order to fit their needs. The reality is that unless the guy is just as willing and wanting to make the change, it won’t happen. Sure, a guy may be able to “change” for a little while, but deep down inside he will still be the same person with the same faults if he does not want the change just as badly. Female, 9268, 11/30/08

“Not talking about money issues. How it’s spent, saved, or allotted for which expenses. I would have spent much more time discussing this and other topics.”
This comment from this woman caught my attention because I know these are important topics but I still find them a little awkward talking about them. But I guess this is a reminder to actually bring it up soon on my upcoming conversations with my significant other. Female 1588


“The biggest mistake I made was trying to always stand my ground and never just give in. Also, I now know not to take everything too seriously. You should enjoy your relationship and let everything go. Communication is also very important. If you are not able to get your point across to your partner, and vice versa, then trouble starts. You have to express yourself, but at the same time not complain about every little thing.”
This was very interesting to me because this sometimes seems where my relationships go. We can both take things too seriously, and it just seems to lead to unnecessary arguments and frustration. I do agree that expressing yourself is important as well. I can often get very frustrated with my partner because she is unhappy, but won’t express why. If she was more willing to tell me what was wrong, and if I were to do the same, then things may go much more smoothly. I believe that compromise is key in relationships, and without it the relationship will fail. Men are so different from women, and they must learn to cohabitate. Male, 0434, 12/3/08

"…Men are extremely emotional and shockingly insecure. Women are considered
the "emotional" gender but I now understand that women are "emotional" for
women means they are more comfortable processing and exhibting emotions
whereas men are extremely emotionally insecure and function almost literally
on raw emotions...not comfortable on how to convey emotions"
I think this is so true and so funny that now that women are older they are now realizing it. I feel like stereotypes make men out to be so emotional and out of touch with their feelings but in reality everyone can be at all times. I feel that I am always trying to make my guy friends feel better about themselves by complimenting them, etc. and I hardly get it in return although women are made out to be the ones who 'need that emotional help'. –Female 2544 12/3/2008


“That you can't change them and you shouldn't even try to change them.”
Many women enter into a relationship with the idea that the male they love has a few quirks that are annoying, however, their love can look beyond those quirks. This is a completely false way of thinking. Those things that were initially unpleasant, become irritating as the relationship progresses. Many times women enter into a relationship with the idea that they can mold a guy into the person they want him to be. This too is incorrect, a female may have some influence on a male, however, a woman cannot completely re-mold anyone. It is best for a woman to bring up the things that only kind of bother her now, because when they marry they will certainly be unbearable. As a result, many marriages end in divorce. For example, a male biting his nails is not pleasant for me to hear nor see, so I shouldn’t find a male that bites his nails 24/7. Furthermore, women should not try to be the salvation for a troubled male. Women by nature are nurturing, this does not mean that they take on a male who is completely screwed up. Women need to remember that there are professionals who get paid to help people work through their issues. If women and men would communicate their feelings more, there would be less problems. Female, 3533, 12/1/08.


“I would had like to know why it is too hard for a man to commit even
when he truly loves a person.”

Reading this comment makes me think that this lack of commitment happens to almost every girl, and I’m still puzzled as to why though. It seems that a good majority of men, not all, have some problem with commitment even when they love the person dearly. I just don’t’ get it! -female, 1856, 12/1/08

“Personally, I wish I had more experience with deceit and infidelity as odd as it may sound. I was with a very loyal individual throughout my twenties, and am now dealing with the lies men are telling me. For the most part I am at a loss, and fairly confused”
I think this is very interesting because although it sounds very odd, it actually makes sense to me. My first real relationship was in high school and it lasted for 3 years. He treated me like a queen. Now dealing with trying to find a good guy in college, it always seems like whoever I choose will be a step down from my first love. I think men and women both would like to get the less meaningful relationships out of the way in their younger years and move on to better ones as they get older, ultimately ending up with the perfect partner-their spouse. –female, 0692, 12/1/08

That you can't change them and you shouldn't even try to change them.”
I agree completely with this comment made by an older woman because no matter how much I have tried to change my boyfriend over the past 4 years he has not changed much. I realized though over the years that I love him for who he is and not for who I want him to be. There will always be traits that I wish he would possess but for the most part he has all of the traits I need. I think many women in their 20’s are still trying to change their boyfriends and I hope that eventually they have the same revelation that this woman had, and instead love their significant other for who they are and not for who they want them to be. Female, 1895, 12/1/08

“I wish I would have dated more in my twenties rather than staying for one guy for a long time and then getting married, but more importantly I wish I would have played the field more in order to find out what I wanted and I also wish I would have lived with the person I married before I married them in order to see how they live because had I known I probably would not have married them.”
After reading through the responses from the women, a vast majority of them wished that they had dated more when they were younger. I think that a first major boyfriend brings so much happiness to young women that they can only imagine their lives with this man, and I see how many women would feel regret that they never knew “what could have been”. Being twenty years old, I hope to take advantage of dating and try to meet many people before I settle down with who I think is “the one”. As someone said before, women are looking for “Mr. Right”, but usually they end up marrying “Mr. Right Now.” Female 9661 12/02/2008

“I know that men do not know how to express themselves and that
they are not very emotional at all. I did not know that earlier in
life which is why i got very frustrated when i would want a reaction from
my boyfriend and he wouldn’t give me a reaction that i wanted. He would just
be calm or act like nothing was wrong when something really was wrong.”


I felt that this response corresponded with how I felt in my early relationships. It was very difficult to understand my previous boyfriends for the same reason, although it is better today with my husband. I do agree that men have difficulty expressing themselves, but they do know how. In fact, I know that they are emotional too. I didn’t know before that the opposite sex just doesn’t like showing or expressing their feelings like females do, but nonetheless can they express them. We as females sometimes think too highly of ourselves and when we are in a relationship we want the reactions that we have to occur with our partner. We do like analyze things just like our opposite sex, but differently. Overall, I feel that at least once, us females have felt this frustration. (7754, female, 12/3/08)

"I have been married since I was twenty years old to the same man, so my experience of the opposite sex per se is limited and my answer will not be so much sexual as relational. Thinking of my husband and of the great burdens which are (mostly unconsciously, I think) imposed on men, I wish that I had known how sensitive men are; how fragile their self-esteem is and how much women have in common with them in areas where we might assume gender distinction. I also wish that I had had the confidence to assume more of the responsibility for our marriage--materially, financially and sexually. Don't get me wrong--we have been happily married for thirty-three years and we're best friends as well as lovers and parents (of two adult sons, good people). But my husband is ten years older than I am, and early in our relationship I leaned on his strength and experience rather than developing autonomously. I have tried to make up for that since, to have more to "bring to the table" of our relationship."
I found this interesting because I noticed others commenting on the fact that men are just as sensitive and insecure as women are. They are just people too. I think women do really have a lot in common with men; we both just display and react to them differently. Responsibility is also a big issue. The “who wears the pants in the family”. I think both man and woman are equally important in a relationship with the roles and responsibilities that are taken. Women do not always have to take care of the kids and men do not always have to get the pay check. – Female, 1287, 12/3/08.

“One relationship mistake I made in my 20's was...HAVING A RELATIONSHIP IN MY 20'S!! If I could do it over again, I would have avoided a relationship. I now know that there's a small window of opportunity when you can work your own schedule around yourself. The time between answering to your parents and having a family of your own. I could have used that time to mature. That being said. In my 20's, I didn't take responsibility when the relationship didn't work. It was always the other person's fault. That definitely was/is a big relationship mistake. Also the very same qualities I found attractive also drove me crazy. Someone who is self-reliant can translate to someone who won't cooperate because they are use to working solo. A hugger can be stifling, needy. Someone who is self-assured can be stubborn, etc. Had I taken the time to understand the correlation, I would have communicated better and taken more responsibility in my relationships”
I understand where this older female is coming from, having relationships when someone is young is not always the best idea but being in my early twenties it is hard to believe. I think that living is learning and not getting into a relationship because you have heard other older people’s advice is kind of cheating the system. I have already made mistakes in relationships, but a day does not go by that I regret my choices. I think that this is the point to maturing, learning from one’s mistakes and moving on. I liked how she touched upon the idea that certain characteristics are very appealing and those same characteristics drive us away because it is so true! –Female, 6623, 12/3/08

"What I now know about the male gender I am not certain would have
benefitted me in my twenties as I did not have the experience, insight,
maturity to make use of the knowledge. What I do now know is that:
1)men are extremely emotional and shockingly insecure.Women are considered
the"emotional" gender but I now understand that women are "emotional" for
women means they are more comfortable processing and exhibting emotions
whereas men are extremely emotionally insecure and function almost literally
on raw emotions...not comfortabe on how to convey emotions, 2)the high
percentage/potential for men to be abusive even if the man was extremely
popular, good family, handsome, etc.& verbal abuse."

I find this comment to be extremely true. I know that women are seen to be the emotion ones, but even in my current relationship I feel as though I take on the stereotypical male role. I am constantly validating my boyfriend to make him feel secure in our relationship. I thought that women were the ones that were considered to be the sex that constantly needs attention, but this label needs to be reevaluated. --Female 3151, 12/3/08
“One relationship mistake I made in my 20's was...HAVING A RELATIONSHIP IN MY 20'S!! If I could do it over again, I would have avoided a relationship. I now know that there's a small window of opportunity when you can work your own schedule around yourself. The time between answering to your parents and having a family of your own. I could have used that time to mature. That being said. In my 20's, I didn't take responsibility when the relationship didn't work. It was always the other person's fault. That definitely was/is a big relationship mistake. Also the very same qualities I found attractive also drove me crazy. Someone who is self-reliant can translate to someone who won't cooperate because they are use to working solo. A hugger can be stifling, needy. Someone who is self-assured can be stubborn, etc. Had I taken the time to understand the correlation, I would have communicated better and taken more responsibility in my relationships”
I felt like I really connected to this passage because I have a couple of people in my life that have always been in relationships and I feel that because they are always with someone they have not figured out their true self. I haven’t been in any long- term relationships during the past few years, but it doesn’t bother me because I feel like I am finding myself and figuring out everything for myself. Would I mind having a boyfriend? No, I wouldn’t mind, but I feel like I’m doing fine without one.-Female, 0640, 12/5/08

REACTIONS TO COMMENTS BY OLDER MEN:

"I learned that wehn a couple is in their 20s, especially early 20s, that
you both are far from the person who you will eventually become.
Relationships will end of any number of reasons, geographic, career,
maturity, or just simply growing apart and wating different things."

This man basically says it all in regards to how people and relationships change over time. It's a timeless truth that people should be more aware of. I guess in the end a couple should hope that although as individuals they may change, their love for each other and shared values don't. (male, 2899, 12/3/08)

"I wish I would have known that looks are not as important as what is inside of the person. This means that personality, intelligence, and things of this nature are more important than how attractive the person is."
I found this so sad because it infers that this man is with a woman he doesn't necessarily want to be with anymore/or is extremely less attracted to. This is such a basic concept, but I guess I'm lucky to have realized this early on. -Female, 5574, 1/3/08

Women have a greater capacity to balance their professional and personal lives than most men. I work with many very successful professional women that are also the primary care giver in raising children and keeping the family unit intact. Women are more compassionate than men.”
I think that a lot of men are finding this as they are growing up. This generation went through an immense struggle to achieve feminism and I think that the men are realizing that women are equal if not better at things compared to men. This is an interesting observation because as I am about to enter the work force, I fear not being respected by my male colleagues. This brings hope for the future. Female, 0142, 12/3/08



“That they are very confusing, and that disagreeing with them is futile. You will get much further with them and move on past problems quicker if you just agree with them because no matter what, they are always right.”
I would agree with this comment at times and disagree at others. Women, just as much as men are very stubborn and do not like to be wrong. However, women have this power over a man that makes a relationship a living hell when they are not given what they want and/or shown to be correct. If it is not something that is very important to you as a man, then give in. I have learned to choose me battles wisely because most likely one of you could really care less about the results. Male, 9735, 11/30/08

“I wish I would have known that looks are not as important as what is inside of the person. This means that personality, intelligence, and things of this nature are more important than how attractive the person is.”
This is quite interesting to me, especially because I just had this discussion with my uncle last week. I never realized how much emphasis men put on looks compared to women. Yes, females do look at men’s appearance too, however, a good looking guy to a female could be that he is smart and confident and that’s what makes him good looking. It does not necessarily mean the guy has “perfect looks.” When I first started dating my boyfriend I would get so frustrated because he would always tell his friends that he was dating a “hot girl.” I never understood why he would have to tell people that, but now I see that a lot of young, immature men do put A LOT of emphasis on looks. – Female, 5362, 12/3/08


“I wish I knew the following about women when I was in my twenties:
Women can be just as mischievous and deceitful as men can be.
Women care about and pay attention to small details in a relationship.
Women are very sensitive and it will save many headaches if men thought before they said things.”
I thought that this reaction was very truthful as many men said that they wish they wouldn’t have known that women put more trust into their relationships than men do. But, this person said that women could be just as deceitful as men can be, which is probably true, but most men don’t realize it until it is too late. In addition, he also realized that women are sensitive as did most men within the comments and he is definitely right that men should think before they say things, just because women tend to carry more weight with words.-Female, 0640, 12/5/08

"I would have married at a later age and started my family at a later age."
I've heard this a lot recently as I am getting older and have many friends who are thinking about marriage. It seems crazy to me that people want to get married so young when they have their whole life ahead of them. Men and women alike seem to feel the need to rush into marriage instead of waiting until they've matured. People change some much from the time they're 20 to the time their 30 that getting married right away is not very prudent. –Female 2544 12/3/2008


“That younger people change their beliefs as they get older. As people get older the opinions and beliefs they shared with you change and are no longer the same as yours. It feels like you start to have less in common as you get older.”

I think this is very true and important to keep in mind when in a relationship. If you are with someone for a long time and grow together, from teenagers to adults or adults to older adults, you need to keep in mind that people change and they may not be exactly how they were when you first met. This is one of the biggest issues I think couples have after being together for many years; one partner changes and the other resents the change and it puts distance between the two people. Female, 9268, 11/30/08

I really agree with this statement. I’ve watched my parents change over the years. My mom tells me how she was when she was 20 and it seems like night and day. Though this change was for the better for her, it worries me slightly that I will too undergo this change. Generally speaking, I like who I am today. Sure there are a few things that I would like to change, and with time they will, but nothing drastic. As for being in a relationship right now when I am 20, it worries me that dating at this point in my life is for nothing. To an extent, I realize that it is unrealistic to marry the person I am dating right now because we both are going to change. I feel if this is the case, then why bother (female, 12/02/08, 1902).


“I would have to say that I would have liked to know beforehand how extremely sensitive women are, along with how much more intelligent they are than males.”
Males in their 20s truly do not have enough experience with women, even though they will probably disagree. Women are truly more intelligent and sensitive than males are, therefore, requiring more finesse when being spoken to. It is said that the female brain matures a lot quicker than a males, I truly believe it. Women seem a lot more mature than males. During confrontation a male simply worries about getting his point across no matter who he hurts in the process, while women filter or adjust what they say to prevent hurt feelings. Women worry about saving their relationships while males don’t really care if they have friends at the end of the day. When the two sexes converse there is bound to be miscommunication and hurt feelings. A male is often blatant as possible. Women are more sensitive and take things more to heart. Men need to understand that women want to be spoken to in a clear manner however, there needs to be a touch of sensitivity. For example, a male shouldn’t say “you look horrible in that dress,” instead he should try “honey, the other dress looks a little better.” If men knew now what they will know 20 years from now, there would not be as many problems between males and females. Female, 3533 12/1/08.


“men and women hear/listen differently.”

I think this is pretty straight forward even though it is short. It is probably the most well said opinion in the bunch. It basically sums up what every other guy is saying. I also think that if young men and boys knew they would understand everything. If they kept this in mind they wouldn’t be as many fights in relationships as there usually is. -female, 1856, 12/1/08

This comment is simple and crosses over to all generations. In class I feel as though this is always the conclusion to why men and women do not understand each other. As humans, we are constantly communicating, however, that does not mean that we are understanding. Women hear a lot more when a simple comment is said. Whether they interpret the tone, body language, and/or content, they read a lot into a conversation. Conversely, women feel as though men do not try to listen beyond that actual words that are being said. --Female 3151, 12/3/08

“I wish I knew that women nag more and worry more as they get older. I wish I knew that marriage would be the hardest job I've ever had. I also wish I knew that their cooking would get worse over time, but maybe that's just my wife's cooking.”
I was perplexed when I read this comment, I couldn’t believe he was criticizing his wife’s cooking! It looks like this male does not have a happy marriage and finds himself very frustrated in it. All his comment is very negative, does not say anything positive about women and less likely about his wife. Female 1588



“HOW TO TREAT THEM THAT THEY WANT TO BE HEARD AT TIMES THEY CAN
BE CONFUSING AND DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND. WHEN THEY SAY EVEYRTHING
IS FINE, IT REALLY ISN'T.”
I found this to be especially interesting because this problem of miscommunication between men and women seems so timeless. Even 40-60 years ago the same problems exist. This seems to display the gross gender differences between the two sexes very well. The female sex is much more sensitive and must be not only listened to, but also empathized with. It isn’t enough that males just listen, but they must also do. If a female says that she is fine but doesn’t seem fine, then the male must work to figure out what’s wrong as opposed to just agreeing. Male, 0434, 12/3/08



“I wish I knew that women weren't impressed by showoffs, clowns, and
loud-mouthed "boys." I also wish I knew that by acting like an ass,
I could only expect to attract women with similar traits.”
I think this is hilarious! It is so true. We are not impressed by men acting like boys. It just reminds me of being in elementary school and watching the boys act like idiots on the playground. This also coincides with what we have covered in class about males having to be adventurous and risk-taking because women are the ones that decide who they will give a chance to. –female, 0692, 12/1/08

“One thing that I now know about the opposite sex that I wish I knew in my twenties is that women are complicated. I'm not saying men aren't but women even to this day perplex me. I have been married for 23 years and sometimes I still (don't) understand my wife. Now that I have a teenage daughter I have given up all together on trying to understand her. One day she hates her best friend and then the next they are inseparable. I don't understand it and the more I try to the more I get lost. The trick for all you kids in your twenties is to just take the good with the bad. No one is perfect and the key to loving someone of the opposite sex is being able to handle their good traits along with their bad ones. When your partner's bad traits still make you smile and keeps you coming back to them then you know you've found something special.”
I found this comment made by the older male to be very true and moving because it seems like this man truly loves his wife, regardless of her faults. I agree that being able to take the good along with the bad is very important in understanding people of the opposite sex and extremely important in making a relationship work. I think that although members of the opposite sex can be confusing and complicated at times, it makes it more rewarding to be able to make it through the confusion and just take it as it is. Female, 1895, 12/1/08


“Funny thing is, maybe to realize that woman should be treat them less like my male friends and more like a woman. Realize that the mutual sharing of problems and emotions is generally more important to woman then necessarily solutions to any particular issue.”

I am glad that this man realized this as he got older. Many of my guy friends do not acknowledge that I am not just “one of the guys”, I am not going to give you the same reaction that your guy friends are going to give you. I like what this person said in the second part of his answer. I really do think a major difference between males and females is this need to be open with each other and not necessarily rush to solve the problem. Female 9661 12/02/2008

“I find this question very hard to answer because i really don't think anyone
ever truly knows anything about the opposite sex. There is a few things that
i have learned about relationships that I wish I knew in my twenties. One
being that couples shouldn't sweat the small stuff. There were so many times
where my girlfriend and I would fight and argue over the most trivial thing. When I
look back on it I couldn't believe how young and naive we both we were. Men
tend to overreact as well as women to their partners interaction with the opposite sex,
and if there is one piece of advice I can give to all you twenty-somethings
is to not stress out about it. If you truly care about that person then you
should be able to trust them. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship
and if it isn't there then you shouldn't be dating each other”

There were different aspects on this response that I found to be interesting. The way the respondent began with his response dealt with how I believe many think. There is a lot that we can learn about the opposite sex, yet it is not the same learning experience to all. There are aspects that we can be amazed about when regarding the opposite sex, but not all that are learned can pertain to all of the opposite sex. I thought it was also interesting how this individual expresses his concerns over relationships. I think that most can agree that in an early age like our twenties, many are indecisive to what they want. When he comments on how his girlfriend and him would “argue over the most trivial things” shows that many of us both male and female seem to still be in the stage where we are finding ourselves. Although it is said that women analyze things more than males, ultimately we are just about the same. Men do overreact just as females. This is where I can agree and say that the opposite sex is just as the opposite sex.
I consider myself to be a mature and independent person, yet I am not that mature when it comes to fights or arguments with my husband. I think that being married to a person that is seven years older than me helps the relationship a lot. When it comes to arguments, he knows better what to say and do, although he overreacts sometimes. When I then agree to what he says, he exaggerates on how he was right. (7754, female, 12/3/08)


"I find this question very hard to answer because i really don't think anyone
ever truly knows anything about the opposite sex. There is a few things that
i have learned about relationships that I wish I knew in my twenties. One
being that couples shouldn't sweat the small stuff. There were so many times
where my girlfriend and I would fight and argue over the most trivial thing. When I
look back on it I couldn't believe how young and naive we both we were. Men
tend to overreact as well as women to their partners interaction with the opposite sex,
and if there is one piece of advice I can give to all you twenty-somethings
is to not stress out about it. If you truly care about that person then you
should be able to trust them. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship
and if it isn't there then you shouldn't be dating each other."
I find this guy to be very intelligent in relationships. Trust is definitely the most important thing in a relationship and if there isn’t any, you shouldn’t be together. Jealousy is an ugly thing and it makes people go crazy. If you don’t trust the person in a certain situation the relationship is bound to break. And couples should definitely not sweat the small stuff. It just leads to conflict that isn’t necessary. Conflict is bound to happen and will the longer you are with someone, but choosing what really is important to you and things that are just trivial is crucial to the success of the relationship. – Female, 1287, 12/3/08.

“One thing that I now know about the opposite sex that I wish I knew in my twenties
is that women are complicated. I'm not saying men aren't but women even
to this day perplex me. I have been married for 23 years and sometimes
I still (don't) understand my wife. Now that I have a teenage daughter I have
given up all together on trying to understand her. One day she hates her best
friend and then the next they are inseparable. I don't understand it and the
more I try to the more I get lost. The trick for all you kids in your twenties
is to just take the good with the bad. No one is perfect and the key to
loving someone of the opposite sex is being able to handle their good traits along
with their bad ones. When your partner's bad traits still make you smile and keeps you
coming back to them then you know you've found something special.” While reading the responses to the older men comments I found this one to be especially touching. I thought that it was interesting that he starts off by explaining how he wished that he could have begun to try and understand women at an earlier age even though he still does not understand his wife of 23 years, ha. He touches upon the idea that his teenage daughter fluctuates between disliking her best friend and being best friends all over again, I remember being like that when I was a teenager and how confusing it was. The end of his response was good because he gives advice that mirrors the very reasons for the question. –Female, 6623, 12/3/08







Reactions to comments from Spring, 2008 class
Reactions to comments from the Fall, 2007 class