Men's Reactions

to women's comments about the opposite sex.






Instructions:


To get an idea of what you will be doing for this assignment, scroll down
past these instructions to see what comments other students have
already inserted on this page.

You may wish to print this instructions (or keep them open in another window).

First, copy and paste the following questions to your word processing software (e.g., Word for Windows).



Which of the written comments made by the females:


1. ...was written so well or eloquently, or addressed such a personal issue,
that it evoked a sincere sense empathy in you?

2. ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why?

3. ...honestly revealed something about female perceptions, feelings or
thoughts that you suspect that they generally might be very
reluctant to admit to if their comments were not anonymous?

4. ...seemed to be a particularly good example of one of the robust gender
differences predicted by evolutionary psychology?

5. ...you found to be, in general, surprising and/or particularly interesting?

6. ...revealed something about how females may feel a sense of powerlessness
in comparison to men, or how they may feel manipulated by men?

7. ...revealed something about how females may feel a sense of power).
over men, or in comparison to men?




Open a window on your web browser, and go to the women's comments page:

http://drmillslmu.wikispaces.com/Homework1


Read the comments about the opposite sex written by the females
in this class.


Find at least 3 comments made by the females (each under a different
question heading from questions above) that you would like to
comment on -- e.g., that you found particularly interesting, revealing,
upsetting, unusual, etc.

Copy the comment that you found of interest to the clipboard.

Go to your word processing software, and paste the comment under the question
heading to which you are responding. Put the passage you pasted in quotes.

Then, insert a blank line, and then write your reaction. When you are
done, put your reaction in italics. Then insert the last 4 digits of your student ID in parentheses.

For example:


4. Which of the comments by the females seemed to be a particularly good
example of one of the robust gender differences predicted by evolutionary psychology?

"In general, I like tall men."
This seems like manifestation of a human female adaptation to assess
male ability to dominate other men. (4673)



When you have finished answering at least 3 questions, save your "reactions to
female comments" file to your computer.

Go to: http://drmillslmu.wikispaces.com/Reactions-to-women

Then, log in to Wikispaces (top right on this page -- click on "Guest" for the login link to appear)
and click the Edit button on this page, also above.

Copy and paste each of your responses from your word processor to this page,
each under the appropriate question heading, below.

IMPORTANT: You are pasting only to this page (below), NOT to the page that has the women's comments.

You may lose your italic formatting when you paste your text below. If so, highlight
your responses to the comments, and click on the I icon (italics) to italicize
your comments again.

After you have pasted in your answers below, each under the appropriate
heading, remember to click "Save" at the top of this page (you will lose your work otherwise!).

Try to do this relatively quickly in case someone else is waiting to edit this page too.

After you have saved your work here, go back to your word processor.

Add your name to your paper (or, if you wish, the last 4 digits
of your student_ ID) at the top of your paper so you will get credit. Save your paper
again to your computer.

Make a printout your paper, and to bring to class on the due date.
You will turn in your printed responses in class to get credit for this exercise (5 points).

We will discuss your reactions in small groups during class session that the paper is due.


END OF INSTRUCTIONS


MEN'S REACTIONS TO WOMEN'S COMMENTS - FALL 2017 (and earlier classes)


Copy the student comment that you selected, and your reaction to it (in italics), under the appropriate question heading below:

1. ...was written so well or eloquently, or addressed such a personal issue,

that it evoked a sincere sense empathy in you?


“The one thing men do not understand about women is that we are extremely strong, physically and mentally. Women go through painful menstrual cramps every month and if they decide to have a child- their body goes through a tremendous change. Women also deal with an influx of hormones that take a toll on our mental health!”
I think, while brief, this statement addresses a major problem with the way men perceive women as frail. Men often do not take into account the issues of women’s health because they do not experience it themselves. Women do through a lot more on a daily basis physically than most males do and that, in turn, can have a major impact on mental health. The same would be true if a man had to experience a menstrual cycle. The lack of knowledge of this issue for men often leads them to make statements that are very ignorant and lack any empathy (8674).

“It puzzles me the way guys are socialized to be less emotional. From personal experience, I have found that guys actually have a lot on their mind and a lot of insecurity that they just chose to mask. I’ve dated guys who have told me that me that I’ve changed their lives because I’ve helped them realize and come to terms with things about themselves that they never let themselves look into before I encouraged them. While it does both me that men sometimes act more rationally than emotionally and struggle to pick up on social cues, I believe some of this has to do with socialization, not inability.”
I believe that this topic is commonly discussed between friends and on a societal level, however, it never really gets down into the root cause as to why men seem to not show their emotions. In society, boys are taught from a very young age that crying is not for guys and that you should always have a strong front on. We are supposed to be the protectors and support systems for everyone else. The entertainment industry and social media constantly remind men of that and I believe it is the reason why so many males have a difficult time being able to comfortably discuss their feelings and emotions. (0242)

“I like that men are providers and often times take care of their families. I enjoy how men look and the joy they bring when I am attracted to them. I like that men are confident or at least that they act confident and “fake it until they make it”. I like that men tend to have a more easygoing personality and sense of humor, they tend to take my jokes less seriously than women. I dislike that the opposite sex appears to be emotionally handicapped when it comes to problems in relationships. I have heard from so many girlfriends of mine that their boyfriends or ex boyfriends are the same way. It makes me wonder are we the problem, or are they? We may be too sensitive, but they may be emotionless. It could be a mix of both. I dislike that men tend to have big egos and often come off arrogant. This could mean they are trying to cover up insecurities to fit in with society’s view on how they should act and feel. “

I like this comment because it is open-minded and very insightful. Instead of placing all men in a negative categorization, she acknowledges the positive aspects men sometimes bring to a relationship. She also implies that the emotional dissonance between the sexes is not strictly the man’s fault, but a mutual misunderstanding form both sides. The bit about men often faking their confidence is also very true. (8832)

1. ...was written so well or eloquently, or addressed such a personal issue,
that it evoked a sincere sense empathy in you?


“1. I cannot think of a specific situation, but what is deeply puzzling is how some men can be so unemotional. Sometimes, when I get in arguments with my partner, I show behavior and give obvious signals that I am upset and/or sad and he does not notice. It really makes me angry and it causes an even bigger problem because I am already upset and then him not knowing makes it worse. I do not understand why he does not notice the obvious behavior I show to let him know I am upset.”

This comment addressed a personal issue for me, which then made me evoke a sincere sense of empathy. The comment focuses on the aspect of men being very unemotional, specifically during arguments. The female writing about her partner’s unemotional tendencies is where I relate the most because usually I’m the one who is unemotional during arguments. I’m the one who is always ready and able to shut my emotions off and look at a situation more objectively than maybe my partner would. Shutting off my emotions is easier for me than to actually deal with them, and I can understand how the male within the comment chose to react to the situation at hand. This is what makes me empathize with the male partner who the female is discussing within her comment because I understand the choice to be unemotional. This comment also reveals to me the opposing side of the argument and how choosing to be unemotional affects how my partner will feel. The female’s comment helps shed light on those negative feelings that she has and what my partner may also feel (07643).

“When men think that women belong in the kitchen. Not all women like to cook or even know how to cook.”

I can empathize completely with this female’s comment because I’ve been in situations where men do really think that women belong in the kitchen. It is an archaic way of thinking that enforces gender roles. I agree that it is not necessary for a woman to be attached to the kitchen when thinking of her place within the household. It is true that not all women like to cook or even know how to, but that should not be considered a detriment to her character. Many think that this way of thinking is long gone, but it still exists within many young men’s minds today, within the different micro aggressions of “honey, can you make me a sandwich? or what time is dinner?” (07643)

“When I was dating someone who realized that he was fearful of developing serious feelings, so he made the decision to cut me off completely and just stop talking to me (thus hurting me) rather than run the risk of hurting himself. I think men sometimes fail to realize that the development of feelings is just as scary for females as it is for males, so when they experience that fear they may have more of a tendency to run from it or shut it down.”

Once again, I empathize with the male within the situation where he feels fearful of developing serious feelings and thus cuts the female off completely. It is not easy to be vulnerable and vulnerability is a part of a relationship, but if you’re not ready then it is impossible to sincerely be with someone. Fear from being vulnerable is easy to control if your partner is cut off completely, so I understand the decision behind it. What this female makes apparent is that a break up is never easy or uncomplicated. What causes the male to cut her off causes the female to become hurt even if that was not the intention of the male. (07643)

2. ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why?

“I dislike that men are not emotionally intelligent.”
This comment makes me ponder on the seemingly frustrating differences in the viewpoints of men and women. Prior to reading this comment, I thought that, for women, emotional sensitivity, facial/nonverbal behavior recognition skills, and verbal skills (both hemispheres of the brain); and for men, spatial rotation skills and heightened aggression were among the most robust gender differences predicted by evolutionary psychology. Conversely, I would think of males’ relative inability to tap into their emotions as an emotional insensitivity, rather than a lack of emotional intelligence. Thus, this comment slightly angers me; as I wrote my response to this question at the beginning of the semester, even though I might have said that females can react with excessive emotions in certain situations, I did not nevertheless hold this “difference in nature” as a negative or a positive. What this comment is doing is framing the issue using the concept of unintelligence, which seems to me like a word that can have only negative connotations. There is no wonder that there are frequent disagreements on such issues between the two sexes, as they possess significantly different brains and, therefore, construct and view the world around them from two drastically different lenses. I think that many females would be relatively reluctant in framing this the way she did if they were answering in a public and non-anonymous setting. (5966)

“On a basic level, I like men’s bodies. I like they way they tend to have an emotional strength, and seem less inclined to let little things get them upset. I like the way they tend to be more straightforward with what they want and what they are thinking. I like how they often assume the role protector. I like they way men tend to worry less. I also dislike some things about men, such as they way they tend to be guarded with their emotions even in situations that warrant an emotional response. I dislike the way men can be non-committal. I dislike that men tend to be more rash. I dislike that they tend to be less observant. (4669)”
I don’t think I necessarily agree with all of the generalizations made about men in this comment. In the beginning of the comment, the author mentioned that she liked the ‘emotional strength’ of men, but then went on to complain about how men are ‘guarded with their emotions even in situations that warrant an emotional response,’ so is emotional strength the ability to displace emotional response when needed or is it not? Also I fully disagree that men ‘tend to be less observant,’ while this could be true for such things as facial features, it would in no way be the same for analysis of 3D objects; buildings, environments, or moving objects. (2545)

“I’ve had many experiences with being treated unfairly by the opposite sex, but one particular instance that happened in an academic setting stands out. I was in AP Chemistry as a senior in high school and a boy from the brother school was also in the class. Just from the way he spoke he clearly had sexist values and one day they manifested into a comment he made to me stating, “Girls are too stupid to be in science and that’s why I don’t want to do this project with you.” He made this comment in a class full of high school girls and our teacher who was also a female and had a Ph.D.”

It is very upsetting to know that someone can actually think like that in this day in age. The female stated that this happened to her while in high school, which means that the boy said what he said not that long ago. It is incredibly upsetting that he said that to the female and it is also upsetting that he thinks like that. The fact that the male has thoughts means that he is around people whether it be family or friends who all think the same way. This means then that there are more people who think that girls are too stupid to be in science or that girls are just stupid in general. The boy obviously believes that women are inferior to him, which feeds into a cult of domesticity. This cult holds the belief that a woman’s place is within the home or in the kitchen, and it is within her home duties where she can succeed. It is a despicable way of putting women into a locked box, where everything they do or think or say revolves around making sure the house is clean and that there is food on the table. (07643)

“I was recently rejected by my ex boyfriend. He decided he no longer wanted to be with me. I think their behavior was rude, insensitive, and inconsiderate because it was done online. It made me feel disrespected, ugly and worthless. He could have been more considerate by doing it to my face in person instead of leading me on and then ignoring me for months.”

It is always the infamous text message that always ends up starting arguments and ending relationships. So, it does not surprise me that the method of choice of the male was to reject the female online. Technology really does rule the world and through it many people can live out their fantasies and or produce alter egos. Technology has become a safe place for all this and more, which is upsetting when it comes to how significant other is able to break up with you. Technology allows for a certain kind of cowardice, which is apparent in this situation of the male going online to break up with his girlfriend. (07643)

“the menstrual cycle”

This comment is in reference to what men seem to be clueless about. It does seem that menstruation is taboo within a man’s world. The truth is they really don’t know much about it, which is upsetting. I think sex education could be taught better in school along with the menstrual cycle because it is all really important to know in reference to daily life. Men may not be directly affected by menstruation but its presence will always be a part of a male’s life whether he likes it or not. The menstrual cycle reveals whether or not there is a pregnancy and having a baby means that two parties are involved, man and woman, whether they like it or not. Menstruation is a part of biology, so its worth of being taught in the education system should not be underestimated or undervalued. (07643)



3. ...honestly revealed something about female perceptions, feelings or
thoughts that you suspect that they generally might be very
reluctant to admit to if their comments were not anonymous?




“The last time I was mistreated by the opposite sex was when my ex boyfriend called me dumb because I did not agree with what he said. I did not want to concur with how he spoke to me and said I was done with the fight and wanted to move on, but he was offended by my lack of submissiveness that he offended my intelligence.”

It is comments like these that put up a red flag for because there is evidence of emotional/mental abuse. Calling your partner dumb, which is a derogatory term, is abusive language. I do not think the female would have felt comfortable sharing this information without being anonymous because it reveals a very negative aspects of her partner’s character. Many women deal with those negative aspects day in and day out because they feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell their families or friends. I’m glad that she stood up for herself but I just hope she had not been dealing with abusive language like that for a long time before. (07643)

“I have not been rejected by someone by the opposite sex because I have never told someone of the opposite sex that I was attracted to them because of my low self esteem at the time. However, I have friends that have been rejected by the opposite sex, and they have had varying experiences. Most of my friends have been let down lightly, being told that they would want to stay friends and that they do not feel the same way.”

I think the female would not make this comment if it wasn’t anonymous because of her revealing her low self esteem. It would be really hard to put your name down knowing that other will read and see that you had low self esteem issues. Not everybody wants their weaknesses to be known, which is why this comment I feel would stay anonymous. (07643)

“Men cheating and not feeling guilty after is a situation that I have encountered countless times. Many of my guy friends over the years have cheated on their loving girlfriends and not broken up with them. Some have only done so once, but many have maintained consistent sexual relationships with other girls while "seriously" dating someone. They treat their girls as potential wives, meet their parents, etc. in front of the world and yet are secretly violating their utmost trust. I don't understand how men can go to bed comfortably knowing they are actively and voluntarily deceiving someone who prioritizes them and is considering their relationship as marriage potential.”

This comment would probably remain anonymous out of fear of retaliation from other male students in the class. It is a possibility that there is someone within the class who is doing the exact thing the comment speaks to, which is why the comment would maybe stay anonymous. Keeping the comment anonymous would cause less disagreements because no one would know who wrote it and there would be opportunity to debate the point. (07643)



5. ...you found to be, in general, surprising and/or particularly interesting?

“I’m always puzzled by how deeply hunger and sleepiness affect men. In my experience, being hungry or tired has certain emotional and physical affects on men that I don’t see as much in women. I’ve seen a lot of men completely stop doing whatever task they’re doing once they realize they’re hungry. And if they aren’t able to successfully get food, the hangry-ness (anger or grumpiness caused by hunger) just hits them. The same goes with being tired; it seems as if slight hunger and sleepiness make men unable to focus on anything else, which I find to be kind of strange and funny.”
This comment really surprised me because I have never realized such a difference between the two sexes. Thinking about my usual experiences with hunger and fatigue (or sleepiness), I can say that I definitely do not fit this profile, but I also understand that she is making a generalization here. Curiously, this claim might make sense evolutionarily, as in the ancestral environment males who were hungry and did not act on it probably died whereas females that did the same thing may or may not have survived. However, it is harder to come up with an evolutionary explanation for the sleep part of the hypothesis. Also, I thought that “anger or grumpiness caused by hunger” affected both sexes equally or at least equivalently. Could the biological underpinnings, if such a sexual dimorphism exists, be related to differences of average aggression levels between men and women? And if not, what exactly is causing this difference in the ways our bodies tolerate the same lack of metabolic resources such as food and sleep? I would be really interested to find out the answers to these questions. (5966)

they respect, care, and appreciate me, take me seriously, value me, listen to me, give me attention, do romantic things, give me flowers, love my dogs, and are honest. (3892)”

This comment, along with several other comments to the question: ‘I feel best about the opposite sex when…’ were all related to the feeling of respect and attention. I find it particularly interesting that almost all of the comments included some sort of word or phrase regarding love and/or attention. This particular comment posted above used several different words and phrases that all essentially mean the same thing, it is obvious that this female desires above all else; attention and respect. (2545)
“One situation that I have found deeply puzzling is why think that everyone woman wants to sleep with him and why they are so sexually driven. Just because a woman agrees to go over to watch a movie does not automatically mean that she wants to sleep with him. Maybe she genuinely just wants to watch a movie and get to know about your personality, not your body! It just amazes me how sometimes that is all that men think about and all that they want from women. Maybe this is due to the different hormones that men and women have or the different motivations that men have. Men need to realize that women are more than just sexual objects and that we are human beings with a ton of emotions and treating us in a terrible way will only result in us bringing them all the unwanted emotions.”

I think that it is interesting that there is someone else out there in the world who believes that going over to a guy’s house and watching a movie does not mean that you like the guy in a romantic way. I believe that it is possible to have the opposite sex over without any expectations, but it is really hard to do so. Society has perpetuated the idea of “Netflix and Chill” that actually watching Netflix and chilling has become impossible. There is a stigma around it that suggests that a hit it and quit it always occurs even when you might just want to go over to an opposite sex’s house to watch Netflix and just chill. (07643)

“A situation has occurred with someone of opposite sex that I found puzzling. I was involved in an on/off again relationship with someone for four and a half years who was cheating on me constantly, yet would not let me end the relationship. I found it totally bizarre that someone who was clearly interested in other people, would be so insistent on staying in a relationship and I do find that to be partially due to gender.”

What surprised me most from this comment was the part that said that the partner would not allow the relationship to end. It is crazy to think that the partner cheated multiple times and still wanted to stay in a relationship. It is also surprising that the writer stayed within the relationship, when I would have ended it even if my partner did not want to. (07643)

“I have three older brothers, all of whom have had serious girlfriends over the past few years. Every one of them has been so infatuated by their significant other that they do pretty much anything their girlfriends ask of them. I’ve never been that into a guy, and when I see my brothers answer to their every beck and call it seriously confuses me because I can’t see myself ever being so controlled by anyone. I’m not sure if it’s a guy thing or a relationship thing, though. It does seem like people generally seem to say, particularly in marriage, husbands typically just do whatever their wife tells them. I find it so confusing because when I think about what I’m attracted to, the last thing that comes to mind is a pushover. Nothing turns me off more than someone who lets people walk all over them.”

It is interesting that the writer has brothers and is able to recognize the change in their personalities when they are with their significant others. It is also interesting that the writer is able know what behavior they’ll like in a relationship in comparison to their brothers’. Being in a relationship with a pushover does not seem like a very stimulating relationship, and I would hope to never be with someone like that. (07643)

6. ...revealed something about how females may feel a sense of powerlessness
in comparison to men, or how they may feel manipulated by men?

“When men think that women belong in the kitchen. Not all women like to cook or even know how to cook.”
This is a perfect and also a stereotypically used example for the dominance of men in setting rules of social behavior (norms) and, subsequently, sex roles. The displeasure of women with these sex roles, compared to men, is highly apparent. However, these roles come in part from our ancestors and it has been made clear many times in this class (especially in the readings by Brizendine) that our anatomies and physiologies are best adapted to their environment and not necessarily ours. Therefore, as we strive for more equality between the sexes, we should also keep in mind that at any given time there will probably be more women than men who inherently enjoy or are more adept at such tasks as preparing food, nurturing, communicating etc. (5966)





“I was rejected by a guy who initially showed a lot of interest in me, but stopped as soon as I seemed interested as well. He rejected me by completely cutting me off, such as not replying to my texts and being very short if we ran into each other in person. His behavior was rude and insensitive, especially considering we had been friends before. It made me very disappointed in our friendship and could have been handled better with clear communication.”
This comment describes a phenomenon that I have experienced many times. I do not know how common it is or whether both sexes commit it, but once a girl I like begins to show interest in me, I automatically become slightly less interested. (8832)

“Assuming that anger or other strong emotions are because we’re on our cycle is a big thing that men tend to misunderstand about women. Feeling passionately enough about something to vocalize it doesn’t necessarily mean that. Also, hormones don’t have full control over our emotions during that time; we don’t become completely different people, so what we say or feel could definitely be stemming from somewhere.”

I chose this comment because while I see myself as an empathetic, emotional male, I am definitely guilty of this thinking. I think this way of thinking is due to males’ complete lack of understanding of female hormones in addition to ignorance to emotions. (8832)

After my boyfriend and I broke up, and decided to be friends, he did this thing where he closed himself off and treated me like I was more of an acquaintance than a true friend. Since we had been together for a while, I learned to recognize the difference in his tone and type of questions/responses when in conversation with people that he barely knew as opposed to people he had known for a long time. For example, with people he knew well, he would be more playful, make more jokes, and maybe even tease a little. With people he didn’t know well, he would answer and respond as though he was in an interview—very formal and humorless.
The whole reason we decided to be friends (from my understanding), was that we when we were dating, we thought of each other as a best friend, in addition to a romantic partner. And we (or maybe just I) didn’t want to lose that friendship. When he started talking to me like he didn’t even know me, I was very puzzled. (0544)
After reading this response I truly did feel for the writer because of the fact that I also believe that romantic relationships are best friendships. As hard as it is to go through I hope that she knows her ex most likely still had those feelings for her but didn't want to show his true self because he felt vulnerable or wanted to try and possibly bring her down because he was feeling that way. (7959)


“Last year I was romantically involved (not dating) a guy and he said that he thought of me as his girlfriend but he just couldn’t get into a serious relationship again because he had just gotten out of one. I was fine with this for a week and then I told him that I wasn’t going to stick around anymore because I didn’t like being with him when I knew he wasn’t over his ex. About a month later, he came back to me and told me that he was over his ex and that he was ready to move on and wanted to continue things with me. I believed him and we starting hooking up again for months until I realized that he still was never going to make me his girlfriend. This is not to mention that I found him texting her one night when he was drunk. I believe this is an instance of which I have been treated unfairly by the opposite sex because of his gender. He thinks that because he’s a guy, I will understand that he can’t/has a hard time committing when really it’s not about committing but that he wasn’t even over his ex.”
This story evoked a sense empathy in me because I have been in a similar situation. I have been involved with an ex while pursuing a relationship with another girl. I was so caught up that I was not able to realize what I was doing to these women and myself. If I was better at communicating and expressing my feelings, I feel that a lot pain could have spared for everyone involved. (5343)


Men don’t understand that not all women are domestic. I, for example, have absolutely no talent in the kitchen. Whenever I have said this to a man, he is shocked. News flash: that extra X chromosome does not come with an apron.
After reading this, I can relate to how this girl feels because my mom hates cooking and is not a good cook at all. She’s the first to admit it and openly displays her hatred of cooking. Because I grew up having to cook for myself, I don’t really hold the stereotype that all women are supposed to be the ones who do all the cooking. However, I can see how the stereotype can be irritable to girls because they have to hear it all the time. (3617)

“6. I went to the shooting range with a guy I worked with for fun one weekend. He was really nice except for when he admitted that he was not only surprised that I wanted to go because I was a girl, but that he was not sure how good I would be, again simply because I was a girl. I think it would have made for a nicer day if we had gone into it equally! (5602)”

I always think its funny when guys assume that its weird for girls to shoot. In my experience (2 years of firearm marksmanship and safety instruction), women are actually very good shooters. In fact, most of the people I’ve taught how to shoot are women, and they seem to be the most eager to learn than the males that I’ve taught. The popularity of shooting sports with women has skyrocketed in recent years and it seems like every time I go to the range, the number of women there just gets bigger and bigger. (6514)

After my boyfriend and I broke up, and decided to be friends, he did this thing where he closed himself off and treated me like I was more of an acquaintance than a true friend. Since we had been together for a while, I learned to recognize the difference in his tone and type of questions/responses when in conversation with people that he barely knew as opposed to people he had known for a long time. For example, with people he knew well, he would be more playful, make more jokes, and maybe even tease a little. With people he didn’t know well, he would answer and respond as though he was in an interview—very formal and humorless. The whole reason we decided to be friends (from my understanding), was that we when we were dating, we thought of each other as a best friend, in addition to a romantic partner. And we (or maybe just I) didn’t want to lose that friendship. When he started talking to me like he didn’t even know me, I was very puzzled. (0544)

After reading this response I truly did feel empathy for the writer because I have been in this situation before and it is not easy from the guys perspective either. I also believe that the best romantic relationships consist of the couple being best friends as well. This situation is not easy for the guy or the girl but this comment really evoked empathy from me because I went through this as well. I can say that the guy most likely still has feelings for you and still has his guard up because he still likes you. Since he is a guy he is trying not be vulnerable around you and maybe isn’t ready to going back to be friends the way you guys use to be. (3800).

“My favorite quality of the opposite sex would have to be their sense of humor. I typically find that men are far more accepting of both giving and receiving sarcasm and/or playful insults while women are far more likely to not see the humorous side of a joke, whether due to insecurity or just plain disinterest in fooling around. Interestingly enough I also find the biggest quality I dislike in men to be their tendency to step over the line with derogatory sentiment when gathered in large groups of other men when their testosterone gets going.”
This comment evoked empathy within me. I’m very conscious of my actions and behavior, as well as those around me, and I realized when reading this comment that I very rarely make playful insults towards women as compared to the stream of facetious comments that typically happens among my close male friends. In addition, I’ve watched “the boys” fail to tone it down or act with more self-respect when others (including females) are present, and frankly, that behavior crosses me as immature and insensitive, and it baffles me that that’s what’s considered normal (or acceptable) behavior for males. (0288)

“2. My favorite quality of the opposite sex would have to be their sense of humor. I typically find that men are far more accepting of both giving and receiving sarcasm and/or playful insults while women are far more likely to not see the humorous side of a joke, whether due to insecurity or just plain disinterest in fooling around. Interestingly enough I also find the biggest quality I dislike in men to be their tendency to step over the line with derogatory sentiment when gathered in large groups of other men when their testosterone gets going.”
I can relate to this comment. I have had many experiences where when a group of guys gets together, conversation gets inappropriate and sometimes filthy. They tend to objectify women when they are gathered together (1134).




“I always found it perplexing that men tend to participate in reckless activity. This was vividly demonstrated in high school when a few of my guy friends decided to test out a taser on one another. I was confused as to what would motivate them to desire hurting one another, even themselves. When I asked my guy friends what lead them to this decision, they simply replied, “We were curious.” This same trend has continued to be seen in my adult years; in particular, one of my guy friends decided to get drunk one night and get a lip tattoo. His lip was bleeding profusely, given that the copious amounts of alcohol in his system thinned his blood. He didn’t even remember getting the tattoo the next morning. The risk-taking behaviors of men might be a product of sexual selection, in which males who were brave enough to hunt and fight were seen as better mates. Beyond this prediction, the motivations for male reckless behavior are a mystery to me… seemed to be a particularly good example of one of the robust gender differences predicted by evolutionary psychology?”- (2735)
This post evoked a lot of empathy in me, for I have noticed multiple situations such as these growing up where males seem to have less disregard for their own safety around their peers, specifically if females are around. I agree with the theory mentioned by the poster that this may be due to a form of sexual selection. Males attempt to one up one another during times that females are watching, and could be an unconscious attempt to display male dominance over the others. The inner male competition carries over to the stupidest of activities such as tazeing oneself to prove toughness and/or braveness. (5768)

After my boyfriend and I broke up, and decided to be friends, he did this thing where he closed himself off and treated me like I was more of an acquaintance than a true friend. Since we had been together for a while, I learned to recognize the difference in his tone and type of questions/responses when in conversation with people that he barely knew as opposed to people he had known for a long time. For example, with people he knew well, he would be more playful, make more jokes, and maybe even tease a little. With people he didn’t know well, he would answer and respond as though he was in an interview—very formal and humorless. The whole reason we decided to be friends (from my understanding), was that we when we were dating, we thought of each other as a best friend, in addition to a romantic partner. And we (or maybe just I) didn’t want to lose that friendship. When he started talking to me like he didn’t even know me, I was very puzzled. (0544)
This is exactly what happened to me and my last ex, no one could have been closer, best friends with complete vulnerability. And it was that connection that demanded I always tell her the truth no matter what so I had to tell her I still had feelings for my ex before her. It was the most painful break up I have been through. As a man I as well as others are very point oriented, we can focus the crap out of one thing. Every time we acted friendly after the fact it only brought up the pain of what we used to be. I could only focus on the pain and not the friendship so I would shut down and become distant to minimize the pain even though the distance itself was very painful. (6275)


#1 I recently dated a guy who was very passive aggressive and who always seemed to turn every fault on me through his passive aggressiveness. In this way, he puzzled me as it is commonly believed that women are more passive aggressive in terms of confrontation. After making a comment, he would try to quickly try to lessen the blow with a joke. Whenever I tried to discuss the issue to try to reach an understanding on where he was coming from, he would accuse me of looking too much into it. Surely, I may sound like I was looking too much into his remarks, as it is common belief that women tend to do so more so than men. However, I felt his way of “communicating” was simply manipulative and unhealthy as my “inability to let things go” was merely a way for me to try to understand what I could have done to make him feel he could not openly tell me the way I had made him feel that was hurtful. Through such open communication I would then be able to know and then revise my actions to ensure I would not do it again. What I find interesting about this is that society immediately points fingers at the woman and finds fault in her because women are believed to linger on problems, when all it is really is is an attempt to strengthen a relationship. (2259)
I found this upsetting because a sincere effort to communicate typically comes from women and men are often too emotionally immature to understand. As a result, they criticize women and turn something sincere and well-intentioned into something manipulative and cruel. (6438)



2. ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why?


“It puzzles me how males are so simple minded at labeling, whether it is labeling colors, relationships, clothes, or foods, their cognitive thought processes aren’t the same as females. Speaking from a personal experience, my boyfriend at the time labeled me as a “friend” when our relationship was more complex and developed. When I asked him why he called me a “friend”, he said it was because we were not officially dating. From my perspective, the title of a friend has a specific role and characteristics that did not appropriately fit with the type of relationship we had. When it comes to situations like dating or clothing, I feel like men have simple categories filed in their minds. If baffles me how simple minded they are and how they do not have such a large spectrum of thinking like women.”

This comment is incredibly closed-minded and generalizes all male tendencies. It sounds like this person was bitter because they had romantic feelings for a friend that they were seeing and obviously wanted more. Using this example to generalize that “men have simple categories filed in their minds” and “how simple minded they are” doesn’t reflect the reality of the male condition. I highly disagree with this, and don’t think this woman understands the way men’s brains work. (2908)

“The one thing men do not understand about women is that we are extremely strong, physically and mentally. Women go through painful menstrual cramps every month and if they decide to have a child- their body goes through a tremendous change. Women also deal with an influx of hormones that take a toll on our mental health!”
I think that many males do in fact understand how strong women are, especially if they were fortunate enough to have a female figure in their life while going up. I believe that it’s the media that portrays females as weak and needing help, which is what frustrates me about this comment and overall topic. I believe that women are extremely strong and go through things that men could not even imagine, but I do believe that males do understand this and feel that media just makes it look like we do not. (0242)

“When men think that women belong in the kitchen. Not all women like to cook or even know how to cook.”

I am upset that this stereotype even exists in 2016 and is still experienced by females. I hope this person can understand that only very ignorant, misogynistic people would say this and the majority of men don’t believe this to be true. (8832)

“The last time I was mistreated by the opposite sex was when my ex boyfriend called me dumb because I did not agree with what he said. I did not want to concur with how he spoke to me and said I was done with the fight and wanted to move on, but he was offended by my lack of submissiveness that he offended my intelligence.”

This is deeply upsetting as it implies that the boyfriend in question rejected the woman’s opinion strictly because she is female. Once again this person does not represent men as a whole and any healthy relationship should have a fair balance and understanding for each other. (8832)

“I was recently rejected by my ex boyfriend. He decided he no longer wanted to be with me. I think their behavior was rude, insensitive, and inconsiderate because it was done online. It made me feel disrespected, ugly and worthless. He could have been more considerate by doing it to my face in person instead of leading me on and then ignoring me for months.”

While this is obviously upsetting and a rude gesture, I believe that there could be a different explanation. As many of the female comments suggest, men may not be very well-suited to confront their emotions and speak from the heart. This could cause the boyfriend anxiety and fear for the in-person confrontation so he took the safer way out and did it online. (8832)

“When men think that women belong in the kitchen. Not all women like to cook or even know how to cook. (3892)”

This comment disturbs me because I find it upsetting that enough men have expressed this sentiment that the author of this comment believes it is what all men think. The belief that women belong in the kitchen it obviously misogynistic and a belief that is a product of past ways of life. Not all men believe this, and in fact, neither I or any of my male friends hold this belief. So the fact that women, or at least this one woman, believe this is how all men think or what all men believe is both disappointing and upsetting

Strengths are confidence, strength, and ambition. Weaknesses are immaturity, violence and disregard for emotions. (4737)

The interesting part about this comment is that there were many others that are similar, stating that the strengths of men are strength and confidence, with this particular comment including ambition, along with our weaknesses being immaturity. The surprising part of this is the amazingly stereotypical response to the answer. Not every man is strong, confident, or ambitious, in fact, finding someone who is all three is not very easy. (0331)

2. ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why?

"Strengths are confidence, strength, and ambition. Weaknesses are immaturity, violence and disregard for emotions. (4737)"
I think this is an interesting answer to this question. I dont believe that all men have a disregard for emotion , we just show it in different ways. All people are immature at some point in their life, more so than others. Its funny that girls expect us to be perfect all the time, when they aern’t themselves. (9359)
2. ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why?
“Many boys assume that because of my gender I’m weak or delicate. I’m really outdoorsy, and I’ve had multiple guys wrongly assume that I’m not tough enough or too much of a princess to handle certain conditions or situations. On a similar note, I’ve had many men assume I’m not capable of things as ridiculous as killing spiders or changing my tires. Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I’m incompetent. (8446)”

”8) In high school, I had once had a crush on a guy, who I met at a movie theater. We had kept in constant communication for about a month, but the relationship seemed completely platonic, and I had given him no indication that I liked him at more than a surface level. At one point we spoke over the phone, and I had the courage to ask if he was attracted to anyone at our school, to see if he would pick up the hint that I liked him. He said that he was attracted to my best friend, which was evident to me that he was not interested. I think this was a perfect example of how men are not perceptive to women’s feelings. We had been talking consistently for weeks, so when I found out that he merely saw me as a friend, and instead had actual feelings for my best friend, it hurt my feelings a little bit. They were not aware that they were hurting my feelings, but the rejection was unpleasant.”
This particular paragraph really struck a cord with me. I have been in this same situation, and it really hurts. Its seems like men are not able to pick up the signals women are putting out there: both when we are interested and when we are not (1134).

2. ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why?

“What I will never fully understand is when a man can tell you that he loves you but would easily get physical with another woman if given the opportunity. I definitely believe this to be a function of that person’s gender, being male that is, because I see it more often than not. I see roommates, friends, family members, etc. who have been cheated on in monogamous relationships, even though that person loves them. Especially in today’s society, monogamy is becoming more and more obsolete—because of this I feel as though more people in monogamous relationships are becoming unfaithful. I understand men are driven by nature and hormones and are ‘hard-wired’ to spread their seed, but doesn’t that also apply to women? It would be interesting to see whether the male-female statistic of cheating is equal in both genders, or if it is more common in males, as most would assume. (5456)”



As most would assume? More like “as women that have been cheated on would assume”. I know women that have cheated on men they have claimed to love, but I don’t attempt to label the entire gender as being more prone to cheating. Granted, some guys might easily be able to say they love someone and cheat, but I don’t think it applies to all guys. I know that if I’m in a committed relationship and genuinely love the person, cheating would never even come to mind. (5037)


“6. Personally I don’t think males have really ever treated me unfairly. I’ve been in situations where males will over compensate for me (for example, going easy on me during a game of flag football) – which some females can be offended by, but I have always taken it as males being considerate.”

I chose to comment on 2 different quotes here. These two statements pretty much contradict each other and I think it speaks to the double standard that women expect. According to one comment, it’s polite not to tackle a woman too hard if she’s playing football, but if we go TOO easy on her, we are unfairly thinking she’s “delicate or weak.” What are we (men) supposed to do?? (6514)

The one thing males misunderstand most about females is what women want in a relationship. Males complain way too often that women are complicated. To be honest, I don’t really think that women ask for much in a relationship. (6943)

I found this question I was somewhat upset because I think that a majority of females ask for a lot in a relationship. I think women are quite complicated and they fail to recognize this because they are never in the guy’s shoes. They obviously understand themselves and they just think that they are simple and expect guys to understand them. I think most women expect a lot out of a relationship, more than guys. I do think it is understandable to expect a lot out of a relationship. Relationships take lots of time and commitment and both parties have to put fourth effort. But sometimes I think women are expecting guys to be like the perfect guy they see in the movies and that just isn’t going to happen. (3800).

The one thing males misunderstand most about females is what women want in a relationship. Males complain way too often that women are complicated. To be honest, I don’t really think that women ask for much in a relationship. (6943)”

-This comment was somewhat disturbing because it not only exemplifies the complicatedness mentioned but it also shows a bit of a contradiction. If women think that men don’t understand what women want, shouldn’t it be acceptable to find them confusing. More importantly also, if women don’t ask for much, why can they not make these few requests more evident and or be more vocal in their desires. I feel this girl is complaining about how men can’t understand what she wants but she is probably not being clear as to what she wants, whether it be simple or complex. But my guess would be it is more complex then she is letting on. (0775)


“I have been treated unfairly by being cheated on. I had to find out by a friend because my ex would not tell me what he had done because men have a hard time admitting when they are wrong. Also, my ex-boyfriend had a terrible temper and would scream. I was much littler than him so I would become very scared when he got so angry so fast. I felt like I had no control over the situation.”

This comment both disturbed me and spoke to a “powerlessness” that I think many women feel. Males are more aggressive physically, and coupled with generally being significantly larger and/or stronger than females (not to mention testosterone levels), it causes our aggressive, angry, or upset sides to often come across far more violently than intended. My disturbance, though, is that anybody who can’t control their temper doesn’t deserve to get to use their close others as an outlet for it. This is among my defining factors in what separates a “man” from a “male.”


“...either overdoes to the point of cheese-tastic, or does not do at all. They can't seem to figure out the happy medium.”


At least overdoing it means we’re very interested and when told that’s “cheesy” then we underdo it the next time. What does the happy medium even mean? It’s not like there is a manual (0150)


#12. …tends to do the initiating without seeking verbal consent (0531)
12. gets very excited and they almost never try to stop or back out of that situation
That’s just sad and fucked up and straight-up rape that they don’t stop or don’t ask for consent. (6438)





3. ...honestly revealed something about male perceptions, feelings or

thoughts that you suspect that they generally might be very

reluctant to admit to if their comments were not anonymous?


“Whenever I go out to bars or to clubs in Las Vegas, it always helps to be a female because you can get into places for free while guys have to wait in line or pay a fee.”

This is a standard that is blatantly obvious and has been around forever. However, I feel that females unquestionably accept this special treatment and truly believe that they are entitled to it. I believe in gender equality but I don’t think it is fair for women to reap the benefits that come with simply “being a girl” in situations like this while later complaining about being mistreated by men. (8832)

If I do not want someone to execute any sexual activities upon me, I would start talking about my ex boyfriend or start talking about someone I am currently interested in. If I really have to, I would lie and talk about how I am not ready to be with anyone or have a desire to pursue any form of relationship”

I just think this comment is very immature and contradictory to the majority of female comments. Many of the comments rip on men for being incompetent at interpreting women’s emotions and this makes it clear why. If this happened to me I would be extremely confused and question why I was ever on a date with this person in the first place. I would probably be left questioning myself and feeling sad. (8832)

“Whenever a guy opens the door for me, I feel special and taken care of. However, there are some instances where I do not want to be taken care of because I can do it myself. This is probably confusing, sorry guys.”

This is extremely confusing and it’s not so much as it’s a “shocking” comment, it’s just one that I feel like girls tend to not admit. In that girls generally don’t admit they do irrational things that guys don’t understand. (0150)

Maybe I was attracted to him because my parents praised his ability to talk to people, especially adults. Maybe I was attracted to him because he seemed unattainable. He was handsome, smart, French, a year older than me, crushed on by other girls, and charismatic. (4640)
I think this demonstrates a common motivation of girls to desire a pair above their social status. This guy is a year older, seems unattainable, liked by other girls. I’m sure this is a foundation for why women are attracted to success because it shows dominance and resources, things I don’t think women would admit non-anonymously. (6275)


9. I would probably have us go to a private place like one of our rooms or houses and then engage in an activity like watching a movie or listening to music where we can get closer. And honestly I would want to maybe share a bottle of wine or some sort of alcohol so we can both get a little loose and open up a little more because in my experience, getting a little drunk with the opposite sex usually goes toward the direction of sexual appeal. (6858)
Getting someone inebriated with the direct idea of initiating sex is a little rape-y. I don’t think anyone should openly admit this. (6438)




4. ...seemed to be a particularly good example of one of the robust gender

differences predicted by evolutionary psychology?


“I cannot think of a major thing that completely puzzles me about the opposite sex, but one small thing would be their concentration. I always find it difficult to understand why most males zone out when they are watching TV. You try to talk to them and they do not respond at all, but then I remember that I have been told many times that they cannot multitask as well as females do. Another thing that I do not understand is why all men mainly want sex from women. Why does that have to be the first thing they think about when they think about a woman?
The question posed at the end is a good example of one of the robust gender differences predicted by evolutionary psychology. As we learned in class, the sexually dimorphic nucleus of a man is four times that of a woman. While I believe that men should have the mental capacity to resist this urge, it makes sense that sex is something that men think about a lot (8674).
“I feel that men most misunderstand that women crave attention. Women put a lot of effort into their looks and in everything they do, so for a man to ignore the work that women put in and not pay attention to the ways that she tries to get him to notice her can be frustrating.”

This comment shows the evolved difference in the way males and females seek attention from the opposite sex. Women use makeup and jewelry to appear pretty to men and men are aggressive and dominant to appear powerful to women. Both of these actions are sometimes unnoticed by the other gender, but ultimately they are engrained behaviors that help attract mates. (2908)


“I have not yet gone after someone I find attracted, therefore I have not felt rejected by someone I find attractive.(8804)”

I found it somewhat funny how so many females made posts similar to this one. Many noted that they had never felt rejected because they had never even put themselves out there to members of the opposite sex. This is predictable by evolutionary psychology. Women hold far greater reproductive value than men so more often than not, it is not necessary for them to put themselves out there to find a mate. There is a male for every woman but not a woman for every male. This is reflected in what is known as disenfranchised males. (1761)

“I would probably just look at him, smile and laugh at what he’s saying and try to be funny. I’ve never made a move physically; I usually just wait until he does.”

“I’ve never made a move physically” is a clear example of sexual selection that can be seen everywhere in nature. The woman never has to make the first move because there will always be a man interested in her (8832)

“Males are physically attractive when they have a strong jawbone, broad shoulders, a deep voice, and are taller than 5’10”.”

Broad shoulders, deep voice, and a strong jaw are actually all indicators of high testosterone in men. This suggests that the women is attracted to the alpha-male, the most masculine man that can offer the best genes and also offer protection. (8832)

“In order for me to be attracted to someone, they have to be physically be attractive (they do not need to be a high 10 on the scale from 1-10), taller than me, brunette, ambitious in life, has goals for success, athletic, enjoys beer, loves sports, and is family oriented. “

While this woman values attractiveness in males, she also puts emphasis on ambition, athleticism and strong family values. Ambition demonstrates that her potential mate will likely be successful which is gives him high reproductive value. Strong family values demonstrate that her mate will stick around and help raise their offspring. (8832)


trusting that a woman is strong enough to handle herself and say no when another man approaches her (at a bar for example)

I think this is a great example of the evolutionarily related tendency for men to feel that is there duty to take care of and protect their woman because of the assumption that she cannot take care of herself. In the time of our ancestors, men had to take care of the women and children, and women looked for men that were willing and able to do so. These days, men not trusting women to handle herself is an example of this psychological adaptation. (3297).

“When I think of what I like about the opposite sex, both the physical and mental come to mind. Physically, I like that men are generally stronger and capable of protecting and providing security. I am attracted to men with deeper voices—speaking in an evolutionary sense, men with lower-pitched voices have more living offspring and indicates genetic fitness. Mentally, I like that men are simple creatures. For instance, they are typically more straight-forward and easy going than women. While I like this idea of protection, I dislike that men use their strength to fight. I don’t find two men fighting to be an attractive quality (unless it is used as self-defense). As a woman, I also dislike how men can be poor communicators. Women tend to want to talk everything out while men would rather walk away without resolving anything. ”

While it would be easy to state that, evolutionarily, all of these points were expected, I would like to say that these traits generally work depending on where these traits exist presently (that is, it is all relative… of course). For example, the strength of the man (and usually size) is great for the evolutionary ancestral environment, but in modern times, I think that the importance of certain physical traits like height or strength may become diminished as time progresses. As per men using strength to fight and men being poor communicators… well that is how evolution has guided male development. Males evolutionarily competed with each other for resources and a chance to mate with females, and what we see today may be a remnant of ancestral times. I believe that we can expect this to remain a constant downfall/trait of males everywhere. As per the poor communication skills, this may go in any direction. (0383)


4." If I was on a date with a guy that I wanted to influence to become physically intimate with me, but we hadn’t even kissed before, I would start off with flirting with him and making certain comments to let him know that I really like him. The most that I would do other than that would be to casually touch his arm or shoulder when it felt right. I never make the first move, so I would leave the rest up to him. I wouldn’t want to force him into anything, so I would let him go at his own pace." (2541)
I think this is a common notion for all women. I think that most women leave it up to men to make all the moves. I think as long as the women give all the signals, men should act on it. Like you said light touching and flirting would be a big indicator. (9359)

4.
Initially, I was attracted simply to their presence, one not just simply limited to their dark physical characteristics but the confident and charismatic aura they exuded. As time progressed and my interest in them grew, I became increasingly more attracted to their mental depth, unparalleled eloquence, passionate spirit, layered shell of subtle yet enigmatic nuances, and intuitively observant nature. With simply a glance, their eyes seemed to penetrate through the generally surface-oriented judgments made by a vast majority of individuals, and even though many others would, I did not feel unnerved by this intensity yet instantly more attracted and fascinated to their mysterious demeanor.

This seems like an example of the female adaptation to seek out the best possible mate and best possible father. This girl was not predominantly attracted to the male’s physical appearance; rather, she was assessing his whole presence, which would all contribute to being a good potential father. (3617)

When men utterly refuse to ask for directions or use a GPS”
I feel that this statement embodies the fact that women are more the caregivers and present around the home, while in the EEA men were out gathering resources. Because of this, men were better at directing themselves around terrain with the experience the got being out of the home. Men are now more determined to find their resources today on their own, as women never had that experience in the EEA so they have no problem asking for help to direct. (1879)

Every Sunday I play football with my boyfriend and his four roommates and our other friends. There is usually one girl on each team to make the teams fair. Whenever there are girls involved, we usually view the football game as a time for exercise and a fun and playful time with our group of friends. However, the boys participating in the game view is completely differently. What may be a friendly flag football game to the girls is a complete different game to the guys. All of the guys become very competitive and aggressive in order to win. They get so into the game and get very upset when they lose. The girls on the other hand have no opinion on the outcome of the game, for they don’t view it in a competitive manner. For instance, after a game that the team my boyfriend and I were on lost, he was upset the rest of the day and I got over the fact pretty much immediately. I think that this is definitely a function of an individual’s behavior. My boyfriend becomes so competitive and aggressive along with the other boys during flag football and the girls are more relaxed and in it for the fun of it. I find it so puzzling that these guys get so competitive with each other and often get into arguments over a simple football game.”
This seems very indicative of evolutionary theories of mate-attraction. To the males, the game was an opportunity to show themselves as “alpha males” in front of the girls playing. Losing one such game would not be simply losing the football game, but would also be losing in intrasexual competition (assuming the guys didn’t play as aggressively with the girls as they did with each other); compounded with the female presence, a loss could feel much more upsetting for the males than would be logical for a simple game. “Games” as a category are inherently competitive, and if the game promotes sexual fitness (i.e., shows the winner is coordinated, athletic, resourceful, etc.) then it should only make sense for males to get more competitive than females at such games. (0288)

Men have many significant qualities that make them very admirable to women. For example, men embed a sense of protectiveness to women, which showcase their masculinity. This does not imply that I cannot protect myself but to have that notion or sense of safety is nice and endearing. I like that they feel that they have to be a provider. In a sense, it shows that they care and want to be responsible. With that being said, I do not like when men solely want to be the providers because that is simply discouraging. I like that men are straightforward and tell you what they want when they want it. Simple and straight to the point and not as complicated. I do not like when men assume that women will take care of or are responsible for household chores such as cooking and cleaning. I find that highly annoying. (9138)
I saw in many of the comments the reference to protection and providers. It’s pretty clear that this is a byproduct of animal evolution for females to find protective males who will be able to provide while the female is pregnant or rearing the child. (6275)


10. Once again, influence has nothing to do with physical acts. You should not have to influence someone to do or not do something physically intimate. In any matter, I would be very straight forward and honest by verbally communicating that this is not something I want to move forward in doing. Being clear and honest about it would be the best way to approach this sort of situation. 3066
I really like this response. At the same time, it brings up the mate selection strategies that evolutionary psychology brings up. Males are seeking sexual relations as much as possible where females are the one with selecting power. However, women have to be tactfully with the physically aggressive males. This is brought up when this responder mentions that most responses attempt to influence while she directly and quite modernly states it. (6438)

4. ...seemed to be a particularly good example of one of the robust gender
differences predicted by evolutionary psychology?

I actively try not to focus on physical appearance when I become attracted to a guy. I tend to be more attracted to men who are confident, ambitious, dependable, genuine, and those who have similar values to my own. The most importance factor is loyalty/faithfulness. Not strictly in the physical sense but more emotionally. This may sound strange but I don’t mind if a man hooks up with someone else while we are together. To me, the point of a romantic relationship is based more on and emotional connection rather than a physical one (not saying the two are completely separate). I believe that a physical relationship can exist without emotions. As long as the man I am seeing never feels anything romantically towards anyone else, he can hook up with as many people as he would like and I will still consider him to be faithful and loyal. (5093)


- I think this comment is a perfect example of the robust gender differences predicted by evolutionary psychology. Males would definitely get angry if their female partner was having sex with other males; but like the female above stated, females generally would not get angry if their male partner was having sex with other females. What females care about in that situation is if their male partner started having an emotional attachment with the other females. They care about this because if he did have an emotional attachment, that would mean that the male would start investing resources into that relationship and leave the female who got cheated on with nothing (5835).



5. ...you found to be, in general, surprising and/or particularly interesting?


they respect, care, and appreciate me, take me seriously, value me, listen to me, give me attention, do romantic things, give me flowers, love my dogs, and are honest. (3892)”
This comment, along with several other comments to the question: ‘I feel best about the opposite sex when…’ were all related to the feeling of respect and attention. I find it particularly interesting that almost all of the comments included some sort of word or phrase regarding love and/or attention. This particular comment posted above used several different words and phrases that all essentially mean the same thing, it is obvious that this female desires above all else; attention and respect. (2545)

“The first thing that attracts me to a guy is my ability to trust him. I chronically date my best guy friends because they earn my trust, and by the time we start dating I generally consider them the most genuine and caring people I know. In general, I tend to gravitate towards quieter/nice guys with a sense of humor. If they make me feel comfortable and loved and aren’t afraid to be a little more on the sensitive side, then I gradually become more and more attracted. No specific physical characteristics except for maybe being more muscular/stocky. (3816)”
Whoever wrote this post deserves an award. Every guy who has ever been “friend-zoned” dreams of a situation like this. I was really taken back when I originally read this post because I have never heard a female ever say that she dates her best guy friends. Typically, it seems like females don’t like to mix friendships into their love life. What she said in terms of knowing she can trust one of her best guy friends the most makes sense and I wish more females thought that way. (1761)

“One instance when a man rejected me was sophomore year by a friend. I was very attracted to him but we were such good friends and he didn't want to jeopardize the friendship we had built over the past couple years. He was very nice about it and we're still friends today without any sort of tension between us.”

For all the heat men have been getting in the women’s comments, this comment clearly demonstrates that some men are actually just as considerate as women. In this example the man valued his genuine friendship with a girl over sexual intimacy. (8832)

“If I was on a date and I wanted the intimacy level to continue to process I would be touching his shoulder/ arm and knee. I would laugh at things he was saying and I would be making flirty remarks to things that he would say. I would also change the tone of my voice so it sounded sexier instead of the type of voice that you use to talk to a friend. I would also be staring in his eyes, making eye contact and holding it, trying to see if he maintains it as well, hoping that it leads to kissing. I would make sure to be sitting close to him and positioning my body facing him.”


This came as a surprise to me due to the thought-out complex nature of the girl’s behavior. I don’t think any men put this much thought into changing their mannerisms when they feel attracted to a female. I also don’t think most men realize when a girl does something as subtle as change her tone of voice which could explain why women think men are bad at interpreting signals. (8832)

“But it is not only those boys who think women are weak, there is a greater picture. Boys are taught from a young age to not “cry like a girl” or “to man up” there is an emotional stigma. Emotions equal weakness and I absolutely cannot stand the emotional disconnect some men have, not being able empathize is a real problem. Empathy is not a weakness, so there should be no emotional stigma.”

This person identified the cultural stigma men face that is the need to be emotionless in order to be masculine. However she then talks about men as if this is something we truly believe or are incapable of. The fact that she identifies this attitude as a stigma implies that it is not part of a man’s nature but something he must force. It is hard for men to suppress our emotions and constantly act tough just like it is hard for women to constantly live up to stigmas. (8832)




“When I was 13 and my brother was 17, we were at home and joking around. He was joking about the females at his high school and basically making fun of their flaws. I was getting a little irritated because I knew some of the girls he was talking about. I then made a joke about him having a small penis and he went from 0 to 100 so fast. He got so angry and yelled at me and told me to never say that again. I was so confused because he was just making fun of all these girls for being “fat” and “sluts.” I didn’t know why he was able to say those things and I couldn’t make a small joke about him.” (2835)

I thought this was interesting because of how often I see this in men. A lot of the men I know have no problem calling a woman fat or a slut, but if a woman says something bad about them, especially regarding their penis size, they take huge offense. I think it might have something to do with men feeling above women, which makes them think they deserve more respect. I also know that there is a huge emphasis put on penis size, so telling people that a man has a small one is considered a damaging thing to say. (3297).


I was dating this guy for a few months. I told him from the very beginning that when I say “no”, I really mean “no”. When I say “yes”, I really mean “yes”. I do not play childish games like a 15 year old girl. However, every time I would say “no” or “yes” to something, it’s like he would not believe me or take me seriously. Finally, when I ended things with him, I asked him why he doesn’t listen to what I say, because I mean every word of it. He said because he is used to girls playing games and tricking him. For example, girls would say they’re okay when they’re really not. However, I told him from the beginning that when I say something, I mean it. Why couldn’t he just listen to that? It’s such a turn off when men do not listen. What was even more puzzling, was that when I ended things and explained why I was, he was confused (#8183).”

I found this comment particularly interesting because it speaks to how important women feel it is that men listen to them. I continually hear females complaining that their boyfriends or men in general don’t listen to them, yet I never hear men say that it’s important that their girlfriend or women in general listen to them. It makes me wonder why this difference exists.

“4. I remember meeting this guy at a bar with my friends. He didn’t really seem like the kind of guy I would be attracted to typically: baby face, lanky arms and legs, and blonde hair. Therefore, on the physical spectrum, he was not exactly my type. However, the moment he introduced himself to me, I could tell that his personality overshadowed his physical attributes completely. He was confident, kept consistent eye contact during our conversation, listened, and had the same dark humor as myself. I slowly began to realize that I found his personality sexy, and perhaps this was the most important aspect in attraction at that moment. Sure, if you placed a male model next to this guy I would find the male model more physically attractive, but if the male model couldn’t converse with me in an intellectually stimulating way, he might as well have been an ugly duckling. Intelligence and confidence is sexy. (2735)”

- What I found to be interesting about this comment is that even though physical appearance tends to play a role in whether or not a man is considered attractive or not, personality also seems to be an important part of being attracted to another man as a whole person. Looks can only get someone so far and if you can’t connect with your partner on a deeper level, then I feel that you relationship cannot be very long lasting. Confidence is also a very important component as well in that a man needs to be secure with who he is before he can begin to develop a relationship with a woman. In a relationship, you must not only be attracted to your partner physically, but also on an intellectual level as well. (8355)


“I find that many of the times that I am treated unfairly by the opposite sex is in regards to my boyfriend and his friends. It is never an outright act or something they say, but there is always the feeling that they don’t want me there. This is not because they don’t like me or because I don’t like them, but it is because I am dating their friend and taking away from the time they get to spend with him. They want him to be single. This creates a really uncomfortable atmosphere every time I hang out with them. This is unfair both to me and my boyfriend.”

I find this really… perplexing and l can’t really think of a way to explain this one. Sure, I can say that the boyfriend’s friends wanted him single to get a chance at his girlfriend, but I highly doubt that this behavior would have been beneficial in evolution. It could be possible that they missed him and wanted him back that bad, but again I doubt this. This is surprising indeed. (0383)


“After my boyfriend and I broke up, and decided to be friends, he did this thing where he closed himself off and treated me like I was more of an acquaintance than a true friend. Since we had been together for a while, I learned to recognize the difference in his tone and type of questions/responses when in conversation with people that he barely knew as opposed to people he had known for a long time. For example, with people he knew well, he would be more playful, make more jokes, and maybe even tease a little. With people he didn’t know well, he would answer and respond as though he was in an interview—very formal and humorless. The whole reason we decided to be friends (from my understanding), was that we when we were dating, we thought of each other as a best friend, in addition to a romantic partner. And we (or maybe just I) didn’t want to lose that friendship. When he started talking to me like he didn’t even know me, I was very puzzled. (0544)”
I always find it funny when people try this approach after a break up. I really think people do this because they know they have to move on from the relationship, but they are scared of making things final. This “let’s just be friends” thing rarely works. I wonder where this idea came from, and which sex tries this breakup strategy more. (6514)

“I find it very confusing that the majority of men I know have very good female friends that they confide in on a regular basis regarding emotional, relationship, or personal problems; yet when another male is present, they tend to disregard any talk of “deeper” feelings. The third party separation of a female friend also seems to allow more “deep talk” than that of a girlfriend, perhaps because men feel less judgement or a need to impress. (6503)”

I think that comment is rooted in individual personal experience, and attempts to make an untrue generalization. Would you disclose the same things to a guy friend if other girls were around? Yes, what people disclose to others changes depending on who is present, but does this represent a gender specific phenomena? I don’t think so, and attempting to say it is a gender specific thing just from one person’s experience would be making sweeping generalizations. (5037)


“I really like that men (in general) have a tendency to be much more laid back, and easy going that women. It makes them comfortable and easy to be around. I also really like that men allow themselves to be much more goofy and lighthearted (or society allows them) compared to women. It is often more fun to be around men because they are more in-tune with their goofy side. (1569)I dislike that men criticize women for having qualities that are heavily expected of us societally. For example they will have a tendency to make fun of us for trying to eat healthy but don’t understand that we are under such a heavy pressure to look a certain way.”- (1569)
I found it interesting that this person admired male's ability to be more easy going. I agree that men aren't nearly as constrained by society to suppress their goofiness. Women have more pressures to be “lady like”, which in part I believe puts constraints on them from acting out in these ways, specifically in public. However, personally I am attracted to girls who don't abide to these standards, as to me it shows they are comfortable with themselves, which allows for me to joke around with them and be more of myself around them. (5768)




I think the one thing that males most misunderstand about females is that they are usually just trying to get attention from the opposite sex. (2541)
- I found this comment interesting because I feel that heterosexual men are the same way, so I do not think that we are completely oblivious to that characteristic about women. I mean our whole life is sort of geared towards attracting or getting the attention of women. Working out, getting a haircut, having good hygiene, having nice clothes, finding a decent job and making money, etc. are all for the sake of attracting a female. I am sure what women do specifically to get the attention of men may be a little different but the general idea is the same. Even for the LGBT community, I think they do certain things to attract a partner as well. So this idea of males not understanding that females are just trying to get the attention from them is not that accurate and I am sure everyone is aware of the objectives on everyone’s mind (5835).


6. My household is the opposite of most. My parents baby my older brother, and they treat me like a man. Every time he cries, they are wiping away his tears. Every time I cry, they yell and tell me to stop because I am stronger than that. If a guy, other than my father, tries to treat me unfairly, I just shut it down so it won’t happen again (#8183).
This is just really interesting by itself. Why was the brother treated that way and she wasn’t? I’m happy and I’m glad that she’s grown to be independent and refuse to be discriminated against on the basis of her gender, but what was the reasoning for the reverse socialization? (6438)






6. ...revealed something about how males may feel a sense of powerlessness

in comparison to women, or how they may feel manipulated by women?


“Often, I find myself in situations with the opposite sex in which their behavior is strange to me. Mostly it is because, in my experience, males are inconsiderate and unobservant of their significant other. Women tend to take certain situations more to heart than men do. What I have come across the most with men is that they tend to just avoid and ignore you when they don’t want to talk about something or when they are no longer interested. In our generation, texting/messaging is the most popular form of communication. For example, dating apps like tinder and bumble are the main online dating forums these days. It is very easy to ignore someone over text messages. However, when you are in any sort of a relationship with someone, ignoring their text message does not mean that you are automatically going to be able to ignore them in real life. Men are not very confrontational, and therefore are more communicative electronically. Women love the intimacy of being able to talk to people to face-to-face. What I found to be most interesting is that men do not believe that what they are doing is rude, they just find it to be the easiest way to let a girl down.”
While I have had this personally happen to me from females, I definitely see where this individual is coming from. Despite the fact that men seem to be more inclined to a physical confrontation, they often appear to shy away from an emotional one. I enjoy a face to face interaction much more than over text, but I also think that it is not hard to either reply in a timely manner to texts or, if you are unable to, give an explanation as to why (8674).
“One strength of males is that they can be more intimidating than women and that they often use this trait to get what they want. I think that men often use their intimidating demeanor as a scare tactic while some don't have that.”

As we have seen in class, males compared to females are much stronger and better equipped for fighting due to evolutionary circumstances. I believe males can intimidate other males and females while females cannot really intimidate other males. However I do not believe that this is something most males knowingly do. (8832)

“I have been treated unfairly by the opposite sex in ways that showed a presumed assumption of my physical and mental capabilities just because I am female. There’s been times at the gym when I feel extremely judged when I’m picking up heavier weights and a male stops me and asks me if I meant to grab that specific weight. Or in group projects, every time it’s been a creative project and I’m the only girl in the group, I automatically feel pressure to do majority of the work for the sake of my grade and for the instant tendencies that males have to give that responsibility to women. (8701).”
The first part of this post does not surprise me. I too am guilty of judging women for lifting heavy weights at the gym. Even though I know it’s wrong, it’s a natural tendency of mine to feel as if something is out of place. The second part of the post came as a surprise to me. She points out how she feels obligated to do all of the work on a project when she is the only female in the group. She goes as far as saying there are “instant tendencies that males have to give that responsibility to women.” This highlights how she feels manipulated by males, especially in a group setting. While I could see how males could sometimes be lazier or less willing to participate on group projects I think this is an over generalization. I don’t think there exists a norm in which women must assume all of the responsibilities of the group project. But then again, as a male I am biased. (1761)



“One instance where I remember being treated unfairly was in high school, specifically in the marching band. In marching band, we had section leaders, who were assigned to each section in order to supervise and help when the band director could not. Often times, the section leader is supposed to be the most capable player in the section, and even though I was more capable than one of my counterparts, they were chosen instead of me. Even when we were both the section leaders, often times people would ask him for this advice in terms of music instead of me, usually when they were not from our section and did not know about the differences in our abilities”

This comment demonstrates the majority belief that women are subordinate to men. Instead of a single person demonstrating this belief, an entire group seeked direction from the male over the female. This could be the result of stigma or social norms since she claims she was the most capable leader. (8832)

“Recently walking down, a city street in SF, I was cat called. This was not the first time usually living in the city catcalling or men making a pass at me happens frequently. However, this man started following my friend and I, saying nasty things and asking personal questions. He followed us for quite a while and when I didn’t respond to him he acted aggressively saying things like, “all you’re good for is putting your mouth around my c*ck.”

This comment supports the negative belief women have towards men that we see them as only “pieces of meat”. When you don’t identify with someone else as a human then you have no respect for that person and in turn feel no obligation to treat them fairly. While I pray that most men do not truly believe this, I understand how repeated instances of this can lead a woman to feel subordinated in the eyes of men. (8832)


Women don’t know what they want. We just pretend we do. Perhaps that’s why we make men guess what we want so we can pinpoint exactly what solution will alleviate our state of mind or emotions. Something else I’ve discovered is that we are greatly influenced by what we see in the media. It took me a long time to figure out why I would test my boyfriend and play games with him. Based on what I saw and read about glorified relationships, it just seemed like it was what the “girl” in the relationship was supposed to do. (4640)

After reading this comment I got a sense of helplessness, as if the woman who wrote this feels that she doesn’t have control over the things she says and does. It’s sad that this woman doesn’t know what she wants but pretends to and I hope this is not something that is common among women. I think, as a woman, it would be hard to know how to act or what to do to fulfill your gender role since there is so much conflicting messaging you get from society.

“6. When I was younger my father used to treat me unfairly in comparison to my brother whose only 1 year older than me. My curfew was at an earlier time, I always received phone calls informing me to come home because it was late, while my brother was allowed to be out later. Once of my guy cousins once treated me unfairly when I wanted to help him connect a surround sound system, he instead told me to go help my aunt cook. (6553)”

- As someone who has a younger sister, I saw my parents treat my sister the same way as described. My parents were always much more protective toward my sister than me, and I had a lot less restrictions of what I could or couldn’t do compared to my sister. In this way I can clearly see why women feel a sense of powerlessness in comparison to males, because women are often times very restricted in what they can or cannot do. Women are tend to be seen as more fragile and not as capable of handling themselves as men are able to. In this way as a society we are enforcing the belief that women are not as competent as men to perform certain tasks/duties. (8355)





6. When I was younger my father used to treat me unfairly in comparison to my brother whose only 1 year older than me. My curfew was at an earlier time, I always received phone calls informing me to come home because it was late, while my brother was allowed to be out later. Once of my guy cousins once treated me unfairly when I wanted to help him connect a surround sound system, he instead told me to go help my aunt cook. (6553)
I have heard stories like this frequently from siblings who are close in age, or even twins. I do feel like it is unfair, however, it can be simply because women get assaulted more at night than men do. Things like rape and sexual assault aren’t really an issue for men, and they are for women, increasing the worries of something happening to a girl in comparison to that of a boy, from the perspective of a parent. With regards to the anecdote about the sound system, I have done similar things with my female cousin, not in any way insulting or telling her that she was incapable of assisting me; but just sparing her the hassle of trying to carry heavy things or do something that she isn’t well versed in. If she was offering her time to help in something, I would probably tell her to help someone else in something that she may be of better assistance. These things are always relative to ones culture and family, and in mine it wouldn’t be offensive. (0331).


6. ...revealed something about how males may feel a sense of powerlessness

in comparison to women, or how they may feel manipulated by women?
“Males that I am attracted too tend to be muscular, and significantly bigger and stronger than I am. They also are extremely self-confident and can command a room and be control of any situation. Friendly gestures towards me also influence how attractive I find a male to be. I am attracted to chivalrous males and males who show that they care through their actions.”
Many women for this response stated the importance of male strength and dominance. I don’t think that this means a sense of power over the woman, but rather expressing power over others and confidence in social situations. I feel that this individual sees men as compensating for women in these areas. (5343)



6. "When I was younger my father used to treat me unfairly in comparison to my brother whose only 1 year older than me. My curfew was at an earlier time, I always received phone calls informing me to come home because it was late, while my brother was allowed to be out later. Once of my guy cousins once treated me unfairly when I wanted to help him connect a surround sound system, he instead told me to go help my aunt cook." (6553)
I am sorry that you feel like you were treated like an inferior. You surely deserve to be treated equally. However, maybe they were looking out for your best interest whilst not letting you stay out late. The chances of you getting raped and taken advantage of is higher than your brothers. (9359)

“Unfortunately, I can think of various instances in which members of the opposite sex have acting disrespectfully towards me simply due to my gender. An example of this occurred during middle school when I, being the younger sister of a very athletic brother and sport enthusiast myself, was challenged by a group of boys in my class to a sports trivia competition because as they put it, “Girls don’t know anything about sports or anything for that matter.” However, to their surprise, I ended up knowing significantly more than all of them combined and disproved their ideas of females being wired as athletically uninterested.”

Traditionally, males have been the dominating gender in the domain of sports and all things sports related, including stats that relate to the sports. This is due to the fact that modern males are able to compete with each other in a socially acceptable manner through sports, and as such it is expected that males would be more invested in sports, whereas females are not expected to be invested or even be interested in sports. I suspect that they did not expect females to know much about sports due to stereotypes as was pointed out, and not due to the fact that they knew males were evolutionarily wired to compete physically while females were not. (0383)

6. When I was younger my father used to treat me unfairly in comparison to my brother whose only 1 year older than me. My curfew was at an earlier time, I always received phone calls informing me to come home because it was late, while my brother was allowed to be out later. Once of my guy cousins once treated me unfairly when I wanted to help him connect a surround sound system, he instead told me to go help my aunt cook. (6553)

I understand where this girl is coming from. This seems to be the case very often simply due to gender roles/stereotypes. I have older twin sisters and I was always allowed out later than them and my parents were much more lenient with me. I was allowed to go places and do things that they were never allowed to do. My parents also checked in with me less and wouldn’t worry about me as much when I went out late or far away. I think this just goes back to parents thinking their daughters are more vulnerable, which causes them to worry about them more and be stricter with them. (8300)

6. ...revealed something about how females may feel a sense of powerlessness

in comparison to men, or how they may feel manipulated by men?

“The other day, I asked my guy friend to help me move my mini-fridge from my car to my room upstairs. Of course, he was more than willing to help. However, he would not let me help him carry it. I only asked him for help in the first place because I thought it was a two-person job. But he insisted on carrying it himself, even though it was not an easy task.

This situation was confusing to me and I think it reveals several aspects of the male gender’s characteristics or tendencies. I believe that males feel the duty to take care of women and to assist them in things that they cannot do themselves. This is common enough, and is generally just referred to as good manners. However, I also believe that my friend would not let me help because it would demasculinize him in a way. I think males always have to be the stronger gender, and that this is an extremely important and vital necessity that must be met in order for the male to feel secure with their identity”

What I don’t understand is how you could turn his nice gesture into some sort of attempt to affirm his masculinity. You’re right, physically speaking males are the stronger gender. So why not let him use his physical ability to help you? In all likelihood he didn’t think you could handle carrying it and just wanted to lend a hand. I think that you’re turning a simple act of chivalry into something that defeminizes you, which probably wasn’t the case. (5037)

A puzzling situation that has occurred repeatedly in my romantic relationships with Men is the issue of porn. No matter how many times I have tried, I can’t wrap my head around why Men watch porn that are in committed relationships. It doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t know any females that go home to jack off to a naked guy after they just had a date with their boyfriend. It’s gross! In some ways I almost feel as if it is a form of infidelity. I can’t comprehend WHY anyone would feel the need to watch trashy women doing fornicating with another man whose penis is probably way larger then the person that is watching it. I would feel bad about myself if I was watching a specimen built much better than I, getting pleasure from a woman that I would never realistically have a chance with. Perhaps this is a puzzle I will never solve.(1324)”

-This comment showed to me about how powerless a man’s sexual drive can make a girl feel, especially if his sexual drive is stronger than hers. It would appear that she may not be satisfying her lovers enough, or has a tendency to pick hyper-sexual mates, who may not have control over their own feelings. She also seems to be deeply disturbed by this occurance and may need to be more vocal with her partner about her views on the topic, and possibly try to find new ways to keep her partner satisfied. (0775)

6.
One time that I have personally been mistreat by the opposite sex when I was playing basketball at the gym at home. There are always games going on at the gym and they are welcome for everyone who signs up that day. I went and played, but stopped because I never got the ball, the males did not think I was able to help their team, even though I had been playing basketball for over 8 years. Overall, when it comes to athletics, the opposite sex (males) generalizes women as inferior, and treats women differently.

This portrays how females sometimes feel a sense of powerlessness over males because males typically are more competitive in sports, no matter what the setting. Because there is such a widespread belief that males are better at sports than females, I can see how a girl would feel powerless in a situation when they wanted to compete with guys in a sport. (3617)

when it comes to athletics, the opposite sex (males) generalizes women as inferior, and treats women differently.
Due to males being hunters, their body types are more muscular. Women’s body types do not have as much muscle as men’s so it enables men to be more physical. Women, who’s main job in the EEA was to be in the home, are not as muscular as men, so men may perceive women’s bodies as weaker, thus, less athletic. Men may feel more powerful in these situations due to their increased skill. (1879)

“This is a hard one for me because I really don’t like confrontation. To start I would make sure I wasn’t giving any signals to make him think I was interested. If it came to a point where he tried something, or asked to go another date, I would nicely tell him that I think we are better off friends. I would probably go into further detail about how nice he is but that the timing isn’t right (or something like that) and try really hard not to hurt his feelings.“
The girl who wrote this passage explained that one way of putting a guy off her trail is by making an excuse like “the timing isn’t right.” I feel that a woman should not have to make an excuse. If she does not like a guy, she should be able to tell him without having to feel the need to make an excuse. This shows how women may feel a sense of powerlessness in comparison to men (1134).




“The other day, I asked my guy friend to help me move my mini-fridge from my car to my room upstairs. Of course, he was more than willing to help. However, he would not let me help him carry it. I only asked him for help in the first place because I thought it was a two-person job. But he insisted on carrying it himself, even though it was not an easy task. This situation was confusing to me and I think it reveals several aspects of the male gender’s characteristics or tendencies. I believe that males feel the duty to take care of women and to assist them in things that they cannot do themselves. This is common enough, and is generally just referred to as good manners. However, I also believe that my friend would not let me help because it would demasculinize him in a way. I think males always have to be the stronger gender, and that this is an extremely important and vital necessity that must be met in order for the male to feel secure with their identity.”- (2541)
I feel like in situations such as these, females feel a sense of powerlessness in comparison to men. When it comes to physical labor such as this, females (in general) aren't able to carry/move as much as males and therefore sometimes have to ask for their help. Im sure that most females aren't particularly proud when a male comes over and with ease picks up something they were struggling with. Males however, usually see opportunities such as these as times to display their strength to females, to the point of insisting on moving the mini-fridge by himself. It is possible that in his head he thought he was being a gentlemen by not making you have to carry anything, however, I imagine the task was more dragged out because he insisted on him doing it solo. (5768)



When I go out to a party or to a bar, I notice that I am treated very unfairly by the opposite sex sometimes. One particular situation occurred when I went to a bar in Santa Monica with some of my girl friends. At this bar, many of the guys pull you away from your friends when you are walking around because they act overly-confident and believe that it is a privilege to talk to them. I kept running into one particular guy that night and he kept stopping me to talk to me. I thought that he was creepy and I could tell that he was very drunk so I would always keep the conversation brief but polite, and then leave to go and find my friends again. Later in the night, I got cornered by the same guy. This time, the guy was very forward and kept talking how I should go to an after party at his place. I politely refused but he kept pushing and repeatedly tried to kiss me. I avoided the kisses and kept trying to leave but he would not let me go. After rejecting an inappropriate sexual advance, I forcefully left. This made the guy upset and his friends even came over to tell me to give their friend another chance.
Being treated as an object and not as a person was not a good feeling for me. I strongly disliked how the guy used his physicality to avoid letting me leave and find my friends. I also thought that it was extremely inappropriate for the guy and his friends to think that they are entitled to my company just because they are males. (2992)
I found this really upsetting because every single instance that that guy came onto this woman was textbook sexual assault or misconduct. It saddens me that she was forced to be polite to someone who was clearly rude in an attempt to stay out of danger. Especially that this guy’s friends tried to excuse his actions and to place this woman back into danger. (6438)

6. ...revealed something about how females may feel a sense of powerlessness
in comparison to men, or how they may feel manipulated by men?

When men think that women belong in the kitchen. Not all women like to cook or even know how to cook. (3892)


- I think this comment definitely reveals how females feel a sense of powerlessness in comparison to men. It is a commonly perceived notion that women have skills in the kitchen or like to handle the duties of that part of a household; however - as the comment shows – women may not be that good in the kitchen or even want to be there. But stereotypes often put women in these situations and I feel they cannot help avoiding it. They are powerless in comparison to men because men are not as expected as women are to deal with kitchen responsibilities (5835).





7. ...revealed something about how females may feel a sense of power

over men, or in comparison to men?


Yes, I believe that women are given preferential treatment especially in night social-settings. Women are let into parties and bars much more frequently that men, and once inside they are given preferential treatment often by being bought drinks, etc.

This comment sheds light on the social tendency for women to have things provided for them by men, especially in the nightlife scene. Because of this, women likely do feel a sense of empowerment over men because men will cater to their needs and buy them things solely based on the fact that they are women. (2908)

“There also things that I dislike about the opposite sex, like how messy they are. It seems like men are not organized and rely too much on the women in their life to clean up after them, and to know where all their belongings are. Men do not seem to worry about cleaning up after themselves as much as women do, and they are also much more unorganized. Being unorganized may also lead to them not being careful with their money, which becomes a problem in the long run.”
I enjoyed this comment because I believe it shows the values that some women hold and how they are not afraid to address the things they are better at then males. Most women are much more organized than males and I believe that it is completely fine. (0242)

Almost any time I go to a bar, a man offers to buy me a drink; and almost anytime I want to go to a club, I get in for free and get to cut the line. I think being a woman allows you a certain power over men: the power of sex. Guys will do pretty much anything to get a girl to have sex with them. (2307)”
This comment shows how females often feel a sense of power when they go out to bars or nightclubs. The fact that more females are desired in a venue than males allows for more female acceptance into the venues. Women seem to really enjoy this treatment but it is pretty objectifying in my opinion, it is pretty obvious that females are let in to make the club look good and seem like a good place for males to come spend their money. While females excitedly cut lines in order to be ‘sex objects’ in a sense for men in bars, men wait outside and take turns spending their time and money on the women. (2545)

Whenever I go out to bars or to clubs in Las Vegas, it always helps to be a female because you can get into places for free while guys have to wait in line or pay a fee.

This is a classic example of sex differences in modern culture. In places like Vegas women are given very special treatment while men get completely screwed. I believe that this gives them a confidence boost and increased feelings of dominance over men. (8832)

I would probably just look at him, smile and laugh at what he’s saying and try to be funny. I’ve never made a move physically; I usually just wait until he doe.

Making the first move is something that is extremely difficult and can often end in embarrassing rejection. While most people would probably prefer the other member to initiate it, women aren’t usually expected to in our society so they do not have to make themselves vulnerable and simply wait for the man. (8832)


When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex.. “is very fooled by it (8183)”

This response shows to me that some women feel that if they are able to look attractive to men, then they can get men to do a lot for them. This is evident in women wearing makeup and push up bras to look more attractive to men. If a woman can get a man interested in them sexually, then they have a lot of power over that man. (3297).

“7. Men tend to treat me better in terms of manners simply because I am a girl. Chivalrous actions such as opening doors, loaning coats when I’m cold, etc. seem to happen more often from men towards women than vise versa. I think chivalry is important because it shows that a man has respect for you as a woman. (5093)”

- I see this comment as an instance where women can feel a sense of power over men. Because of the stereotypes we tend to place on women, men often feel obligated to help women in any way that they can. Men are often expected to display forms of chivalry toward women, and when we see a woman who needs help, a man should step in and help that woman. Men often times go out of their way to make sure that the women in their life are properly taken care of. In this sense I feel that women know that they will always be taken care of by the men in their life. (8355)


“Men are never taught that it is good to communicate their thoughts or feelings. It is sometimes even looked down upon when men are too expressive of their emotions. They are looked at as weak and maybe even feminine. But I think it is a crucial part of life to express your thoughts and talk about problems with other people.”
While men tend to be more domineering in terms of strength and straight forward thinking, women have more power over their emotions and the expression of them. I feel that men’s inability to express their emotions prevents them from having successful relationships and bringing closure to past relationships. (5343)

I really like that men are so protective of women.
While this is true, it may not be due to simply niceness. Men are mainly protective over women who are close to them in their lives; their family, but most importantly, their significant other. This significant other is the person that the man would seem to be sharing his genes with to produce offspring, or who is sharing their parental investment with to keep them alive. (1879)


“I’ve never been rejected by a man because I do not put myself out there unless I know that he likes me in the same way that I like him”
It’s nice that you have this luxury because guys generally don’t. (0150)



Everything in question 7.
I think it’s interesting that many women find power in men’s “worship” of them by showering them with material things and preferential treatment. I certainly understand that sense of power in manipulating and using men’s objectification of women against them but it’s a strange power, I feel. This hold or power that women have on men are very dependent on men’s attitudes towards them and are essentially enabled by men. As such, it can be taken away by them at any time. For example, some men just give women gifts and buy them things in an effort to solicit and indirectly by their affections, sexual or otherwise. (6438)